Well, I don't know why I came here tonight
I've got the feeling that something's not right
I'm so drunk I think I might fall off my chair
and I'm wondering how I'll get down those stairs

gropers to the left me, pokers to the right
here I am - stuck in the middle with you

yes I'm - stuck in the middle with you - and I'm wondering what it is I should do.
it's so hard to keep that smile from your face - losing control, I'm all over the place.

gropers to the left me, pokers to the right
here I am - stuck in the middle with you

well, you started off with nothing and you're proud now that you've got me home
so you crank the music up and start gyrating with a bone
and I think please .. please ..

stuck in the middle with you and I'm wondering what it is I should do.
is it cool to go to sleep on the floor? or were you thinking of something more?

gropers to the left me, pokers to the right
here I am - stuck in the middle with you

well, it started out okay, but that's because I thought of another man
but he kept rolling all his weight on me
I had to push him off and say please .. I can't breathe ..

it's so hard to keep my feet on the floor
while I've got one eye on the door
your elbows they just get in the way
is this what you call a roll in the hay?

gropers to the left me, pokers to the right
here I am - stuck in the middle with you

well, you started off with nothing and you're proud that you're now a man.
and your friends will all come running when you take it down the pub, they'll say please .. how was that squeeze?

stuck in the middle with you, yes I'm stuck in the middle with you ...