Did you eat too much ice cream or pie?
Is there liquid running down your thigh?
'Cause I'm the Laxman.
Yeah, I'm the Laxman.

Are you always on the toilet seat?
Can you feel the numbness in your feet?
'Cause I'm the Laxman.
Yeah, I'm the Laxman.

(If you're in your car) I'll give you cramps.
(If your pants are dry) I'll make them damp.
(If it gets too cold) I'll warm your buns.
(If you take a walk) you'll get the runs.
Laxman!

(instrumental break)

'Cause I'm the Laxman.
Yeah, I'm the Laxman.

Don't get up from that rocking chair. (Ah-ah, Mr. Wilson.)
Or you'll be scrubbing under there. (Ah-ah, Mr. Heath.)
'Cause I'm the Laxman.
Yeah, I'm the Laxman.

Get ready to take some abuse. (Laxman.)
'Cause your bowels will be on the loose. (Laxman!)
'Cause I'm the Laxman.
Yeah, I'm the Laxman.
And oat bran and I don't agree. (Laxman!) {instrumental fade}