I am the current model of Republican vice president.
That John McCain has chosen me is surely not an accident.
A cut and dried conservative and faithful fundamentalist,
That I’m a pretty face is surely something he could not have missed.

I started out a hockey mom and PTA participant.
Wasilla city hall did call, and that’s the first place that I went.
As penny-pinching mayor, to protect the people’s pocket book,
I made rape victims pay the cost of laboratory tests they took.

Chorus: As penny-pinching mayor, to protect the people’s pocket book,
She made rape victims pay the cost of laboratory tests they took.

I wasn’t satisfied to be a big fish in that little pond.
You betcha I was destined for the politics that lay beyond.
I knew my skills like dressing moose would make me a good candidate.
I ran and won a bigger job, the governor of our great state.

As governor I’m in command of the Alaska National Guard.
Since Russia is three miles away, I have a task that is quite hard.
If Putin rears his ugly head and dares to enter our air space,
I’ll use my hunting helicopter to put Putin in his place.

Chorus: If Putin rears his ugly head and dares to enter her air space,
She’ll use her hunting helicopter to put Putin in his place.

The bridge to nowhere was a project that at first I did support,
But then I didn’t when I learned the needed votes would come up short.
Instead I took the money without earmark as it was still owed.
I’m very proud I then did build three miles of a nowhere road.

As public speaker, I connect, I shine before an audience.
I wow them with my rhetoric, it’s hard to tell I don’t make sense.
My maverick manner wins supporters, just as long as the reporters
Cannot ask a follow-up and so expose my ignorance.

Chorus: Her maverick manner wins supporters, just as long as the reporters
Cannot ask a follow-up and so expose her ignorance.

I like to read, I really do, I read the press from all around.
It’s really quite amazing all the strange new facts that I have found.
My head is filled with quotes and phrases from at home and every nation.
There’s no room to memorize the names of any publication.

As you can see I am prepared to be your next vice president.
I shouldn’t say this but it’s true, I know that I am heaven sent.
So vote for me and John McCain, we’re proud to be Republican.
The next four years will be the same. [sotto voce] Gosh, darn it! I misspoke again.