On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
I saw an 18-wheeler
Headlights setting fire to my hair
Next thing I knew I blacked out
I saw a shimmering light
I heard these voices in my ear saying
"He's knocked out for the night"
There he stood in the doorway
Suit by Brooks Brothers
He was a well dressed expensive lawyer
The bottom feeder from H---
Then he opened a file
And showed me all my options
I decided to sue the driver for 10 million
I thought I heard the lawyer say

Welcome to the Law Firm of James LaDoya
Such an evil place
Such an evil place
Where money's thrown away
Plenty of diplomas at the Law Firm of James LaDoya
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can sue people here
You can sue people here

His mind is George Bush's twisted
He's got a Mercedes-Benz
He's got a lot of clients
That got in over their heads
How they argue in the courtroom
And present evidence
Some trial to remember
Some trial to forget
So I called up the Lawyer
I asked him if he was an evil swine
He said
A bunch of stuff in legal talk that melted my mind
And still those ten million dollars are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Law Firm of James LaDoya
Such an evil place
Such an evil place (background)
Where money's thrown away
They're livin' it up at the Law Firm of James LaDoya
What an awful surprise
What an awful surprise (background)
Bring your alibis

Cameras on the ceiling
The Judge's wig was full of lice
And a client said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the lawyer's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They dulled their steely knives
But they just can't find a way to sue the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find some way back to the hospital I was in before
Relax said the accountant
We are programmed to sue
You can write a check out any time you like
'Cause our services ain't free!