It's such a pain, bet it's only done because they could
It's never explained as a product of their livelihood
They're just an asshole who's tryna get away with food
They fled, didn't pay, fled, didn't pay, hey (oh-oh)

These damn punks ate such a lavish meal
I'm sayin' that but half of it is still here
Ask for time to just seal the payment deal
Oh, I'm the numbnut who believed 'em, I fear
Oh, ooh-whoa (oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Oh, ooh-whoa (oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Oh, ooh-whoa (oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Oh, I had one job, couldn't do that right here

Drives me insane when I come back and they've gone and booked
I'm feelin' ashamed that they laid the bait and got me hooked
And now they've sapped half my tips because they were a douche
They fled, didn't pay, fled, didn't pay, hey
I see the vacant chairs left upon the beer-stained wood
They not only stained the floor but my happy mood, not good
All of these assholes filmin' a prank show for Youtube
They fled, didn't pay, fled, didn't pay, hey

Whether it's dinner or a simple lunch (ooh-ooh)
Dine-and-dashers need a hefty punch
Tried co-ordinatin' ev'ryone (ooh-ooh)
To keep an eye on those I think might run
But it fails all of the time, goddamn it
Run away, all you little cheeky bandits
'Cause I know that your joke will get us closed, all 'cause you
Don't wanna pay
Oh, ooh-whoa (oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Oh, ooh-whoa (oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
Oh, ooh-whoa (oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa)
No free lunch 'cause we'll no longer be here

I wanna chain ev'rybody down, may not look good
Put you in my place, my position will be understood
Pain in the ass, disrespectful and completely rude
They fled, didn't pay, fled, didn't pay, hey
Wish I could change up the policies we have for good
Allow us to play tackle rugby with these bloody crooks
Add some more staff for security, just somethin', dude
They fled, didn't pay, fled, didn't pay, hey

Ooh-whoa-oh-oh-oh
They fleed, didn't pay, fleed, didn't pay, hey