Verse 1:

Every year I lose my mind, the kids all cry and whine
"Why CAN'T we have it...WHY?!"
They're "ME, MYSELF, AND I" each year
....at Christmastime

Verse 2:

Those little spoiled brats, every year they form a pack
I ask her "WHY'D WE HAVE KIDS...WHY?!"
They say without those toys they'll sure-ly die
....who made this Christmastime?

Bridge 1:

How can last year's toys, be already out of date?
They say that I am, just a big cheapskate
I say go GET a job, and buy up all the JUNK....you want,
(spoken quickly... "It'll be broke in two weeks anyway ! ")
I'm not a bank ac-count

Verse 3:

Their allowance was just fine
They think I'm a gold mine
Those crumb-GRABBERS make me sigh
They say for more CREDIT cards I should ap-ply
for Christmastime

Bridge 2:

I know that Christmas, is the twenty-fifth
since God knows 'when'....why NOT the twenty-sixth?
Save half your MON-EY then, they say I'm ruining CHRIST-mas day
Just make it go a-way

Verse 4:

It's the same thing every year
I wind up broke and in tears
can't AFFORD to have good cheer
the rug-rats win again, my dear
....skip Christmastime

Bridge 3:

They insist on toys, that are the latest rage
On my credt bill, their demands take one whole page
They think it's MY JOB, to give them WHAT, they, please...
...that money, grows on trees

Verse 5:

Well, I've got news for them
New rules are comin' 'round the bend
Consumer-ISMS gonna end
'cause no LONGER will I be in fear
....screw Christmastime....

...I wonder what I'll get this year....
...at Christmastime...
(to the bank, cash in hand, jingle all the way...)