Schoolchild:

Ever since I've been at this school
I've knit those woolly balls
A cupboard full of patterns
I must've knit them all,
But I ain't seen anything like him
In any Assembly Hall,
That duffed-up and mindless kid
Sure knits a mean pin-cushion!


He sits like a Granny
On an old rocking chair,
Feeling all the wool
While he just sits and stares.
He knits with intuition,
Always gives his all
That duffed-up and mindless kid
Sure knits a mean pin-cushion!


He's a pin-cushion wizard
Gives the wool a twist.
A pin-cushion wizard
He never drops a stitch


How does that moron do it?
I don't know?
How does he knit so good?


He can't be distracted
Doesn't play no games.
His eyes are never flashing
Can't even spell his name.
Never makes an error
Got attention to detail,
That duffed-up and mindless kid
Sure knits a mean pin-cushion!


I thought I was the Needlecraft King
But I just handed my knitting crown to him.


Even with my favourite needles
He can beat my best.
The teachers lead him in
And he just knits a vest.
He's got crazy knitting fingers
Never drops a stitch
That duffed-up and mindless kid
Sure knits a mean pin-cushion!