If I Only Had a Dame - ("If I Only Had a Brain")

I could sit and talk for hours
Impress her with some flowers
Go kissin' in the rain

She'd be the perfect catch and
I'd stop sitting on my ass but
If I only had a dame

She would have that extra sizzle
Be sweeter than a Skittle
Her voice would cause no pain

[Girls voice in his head]
"See your face and you're beamin',
but I'm sayin' that you're dreamin'
I will never be your dame"

Oh I,
will tell you why
I'm not one to ignore
I don't watch Jay Leno or that Jersey Shore
I never stink, and rarely snore

I would prove I'm not just nothin'
I promise I'm not bluffin'
Don't think I'm acting vain

I would dance and be merry
Life would not be ordinary
If I only had a dame

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If I Only Had a Car- ("If I Only Had a Heart")

I should not be forced to settle
Stuck here without a pedal
I'm not the campus star

Just because I'd be zoomin'
With my stereo a-boomin'
If I only had a car

I'd no longer need a rental
Go pedal to the metal
I would go near and far

I'd be driving really fast and
Laugh at cars that I'd be passin'
If I only had a car

Picture me -down on the street
The places I could go
"Wherefore art thou Camero?
With leather seats? That's sweet!"

I would drive ocean to ocean
Give all my devotion
And never would we part

I'd never miss a dinner
or need rides from little sister
If I only had a car

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If I Had Money to Earn - ("If I Only Had the Nerve")

Man I hate being so stingy
My clothes are getting dingy
For nice things, I do yearn

I'd be feeling mighty "baller"
If I had some extra dollars
If I had money to earn

I'm afraid I just have Lincolns
No pictures of Ben Franklin
Those are bills I deserve

I would be a happy mister
I would be rich like a wizard
I would no longer be miffed but-
If I only had a car and cash to earn

Then I'm sure to get a dame-
"No way!
Go home!
You nerd!"

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