I want to tell you all a story ' bout an Evansville widowed Wife
Who had a teenage daughter that attended Evansville Jr. High...
Well her daughter came home one afternoon and didn't even stop to play
She said "Mom I got a note here down from the E.P.D."...

Well the note said "Mrs. Thomson you've been wearing your dresses way to
High. Its been reported that you've been drinkin' and that you've been prostituting
And goin' wild.. And we don't believe you ought to be a' bringin' up your little girl
This way.." and it was signed by the secretary down at the E.P.D.

Well it happened that the E.P.D. was gonna meet that very afternoon.
And boy were they surprised when Mrs. Thomson wore her panties into the room.
And as she walked up to the Sergeant I can still recall the words she had to say..
She said " I'd like to address this meeting of the E.P.D."

"well corporal Taylor's sittin there and seven times hes asked me for a trick. And
Mrs. Taylor sure seems to smoke a lot of pot whenever he's away..
And Randy Rolly can you tell us why your secretary had to leave this town?
And shouldn't private Shemwell be told to keep his window shades all pulled
Completely down?..."

Well Lutenant Webber couldn't be here 'cause he stayed to long at Someplace
Else again. And if you smell his breath you'll find he's had more than a nip of
Gin. Then you have the nerve to tell me as a mother you think that I'm not fit.
Well this is just a little peyton place and your all E.P.D. Hypocrites.

Now I wouldn't put you on because it really did.. It happened just this way...
The day that Shirley Thompson socked it to em' down at the E.P.D.

(Tag) The day that Shirley Thomson socked it to em' down at the E.P.D.