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Song Parodies -> "Kringle's Hells"
Original Song Title:
"Jingle Bells"
Original Performer:
Traditional
Parody Song Title:
"Kringle's Hells"
Parody Written by:
blackjack21
The Lyrics
The Christmas season is upon us, so time to spoof a few holiday songs. This one is about how tough it is to be an elf working for old Kris Kringle at the North Pole. You might think Santa's in charge up there, but I hear he has to answer to a syndicate of powerful bosses, so things can get ugly sometimes.
Kringle sells all his elves
Into slavery
Making toys for all the boys
Who live in luxury, see!
Sweatshop smells, Kringle's hells
Eighty cents a day
Try to run and try to hide
Think you can get away
Crashing through the snow
Trying hard to get away
Downhill ski you go
Screaming all the way, ah, ah, ah!
Bouncing like a spring
Suddenly take flight
No fun is it to fly, take wing
You pray you land upright, oh!
Kringle yells, "Go to hell"
"Little elf I'll slay!"
"You can run but you can't hide"
"Gonna nail your ass today, hey!"
Kringle yells, he impels
Reindeer, pull his sleigh
Gaining on that little elf
With the nerve to disobey!
Flashing, weapon shows
Little elf is in gun range
Lower his sight to foe
Taking deadly aim, ho, ho, ho!
Out the shot did ring
Flashing in the night
Oh sh!t, missed and so he tries again
His prey will fall tonight, oh!
Elf rebelled, Kringle shelled
Malcontent with lead
Shot his gun, in vain he tried
For a kill shot to the head, dead!
Downhill flew, forest loomed
Under branch elf ducked
But big guy was much too high
And he said, "Oh no, I'm $&@#&%!!!"
Oooh, Kringle's felled, rang his bell
Elf, he got away
Made a run to save his hide
And revenge he'll get some day, hey!
Records tell: Kringle sells
Land he owned next door
Elf he bought, for Wal-Mart spot
Now Kris Kringle he is poor
.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
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| 4 | 1 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 15 | 16 | 16 |
User Comments
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I'm putting these 5s in your stocking since Santa will doubtless be filling it with ashes and switches. Besides, I'm likely in the same boat. Check out Track 3 in http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles2507.shtml :-)
555 lbs of Kringle crash!!!
Jingle Bells . . . all the way ! !
You've managed to turn Santa into Claus Barbie! ;D
Wild bit of storytelling!!!...555!!!
Making Santa a villain..that's unique..
Funny twist on the original song! Great job, 5s!
Great job, blackjack, and this would be a great complimentary parody to "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al Yankovic if it were ever to be recorded. As for Santa being a villain, he can be whatever you want him to be IMHO, in my books, he's a miracle worker who makes people happy and makes dreams come true. 5s.
ROFL @ the yuletide twist :)
This is the funniest "Jingle Bells" spoof I've ever read/sang! Ever seen "Bad Santa, Santa Clause 2, and Christmas Story"? Those 3 movies listed reminds me of this song! Especially about Toy Santa from the second Santa Clause movie, where he plans to give coals to "naughty" children and works his elves like robots by brutally and verbally abusing them! Wait, that's not Santa! That's actually Santa's Evil Twin running the show and tied up the real Santa! Here's 555. I'm still laughing!!! LOL!!
Sorry to go OT, but your comment sounds nothing like Tommy Turtle. Could he have claimed that he was Fiddlegirl as a publicity stunt?
Sounds like a North Pole trade union for elves is needed
somehow I suspected that living in the NorthPole could be a slave operation! Sir: I love anything about eleves & slavery . . .
Intriguing and interesting stuff
Wow, I appreciate all the nice comments and votes everyone. So many good parodies here today, I think I counted 45 of them! Merry thanks to all and to all a good night. ;-)
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