Joe Schitzky went to court one day
To change his nomenclature
He'd immigrated to this land
And the residents had made sure

To let him know his moniker
With our norms was not conforming
And that he should give a bit of thought
To some permanent reforming

"In my home town our name resounds
Down through the generations
For the Schitzky clan, was to a man
Of wealth and noble station

But I arrived to make a life
And a home in this great nation
So I've set myself upon the path
To complete assimilation

And should the old Joe Schitzky name
Impede the plans I'm making
Then I'll willingly and legally
My past forms be forsaking"

The judge said "I can sympathize
With the choice that you are facing
To turn your back upon your kin
Yourself, in part, erasing

Still, I say it with a heavy heart
And, I hope with no offense meant
That the name "Joe Schitzky" in our land
Could be somewhat an impairment

Well, we've taken up the court's good time
Let us put this thing to bed, sir
How shall ye hence be called, good friend?"
"I think I'll go with "Ed", sir

For in the land where I was born
"Joe" was "virtue, brave and lofty"
While here in this America
"Joe" is just a cup of coffee"