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Song Parodies -> "The B-3 Lacks"

Original Song Title:

"Miss Mary Mack"

Original Performer:

Traditional

Parody Song Title:

"The B-3 Lacks"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Due to the aging of the US Bomber fleet and the nature of ISIS, the new Northrop B-3 Bomber is a radical departure from the stealth B-2 flying wing that costs $2 Billion per unit. Northrop is going back to basics to replace the old B-52s and B-1s in inventory. Minimal stealth, HLH attack profile, possibly some body blending with buried engines, but a vast bomb bay a requirement to carry 35-40 tons of ordnance. Still clinging to the old Nazi designs, Northrop is analyzing the Ho VIII of 1945 to make as a possible modern version. At least that's what the rumors are!!!
The B-3 lacks, lacks, lacks
A new stealth mask, mask, mask
With unit cost reductions
Not a program black, black, black

AF doesn't bother, bother, bother
The President, dent, dent
Due to deficits, deficits, deficits
And vast expense, pretense, offense

B-3 will just get by, by, by
With mediocre design, design, design
Let the drones attack, attack, attack
Until 2025... sigh....

[Amerka Bomber design files from 1945 piled high]

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Pacing: 5.0
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Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

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Rob Arndt - November 11, 2015 - Report this comment
Aka LSRB or Long Range Strike Bomber
Rob Arndt - November 11, 2015 - Report this comment
Not my day. Dyslexia too!
Patrick - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
The A-10 Thunderbolt is what is needed against ISIS Toyota pickup trucks.
Rob Arndt - November 12, 2015 - Report this comment
The conspiracy against the A-10 is heinous on all sides. Obama wants it shut down, the USAF wants it "retired" to divert funds to the epic fail plague-ridden F-35, while the US Army rejects any idea of transfer to them, preferring to stick with attack helos! In Iraq, A-10s killed 900 tanks, 500 AFVs of all types, plus artillery. It has been 85% effective. But because it is old, low and slow, the AF wants to rely on upgraded blocks of F-16s in strike role, the Beagle (Bombing Eagle) and when possible B-1s to drop tons of dumb bombs. The A-10 has the advantage of long loiter times, the Vulcan cannon, low altitude enemy confirmation without sophisticated sensor upgrades, and cheap cost to maintain. The great white hope is the multirole F-35 which is another vulnerable transition aircraft of the fast jet type. The AF has lost confidence, so it has changed the B-3 requirement from futuristic strategic Bomber to mild stealth tactical Bomber which needs to haul what tonnage the B-52s and B-1s carry. Since Northrop won, we can expect to see another flying wing, albeit a larger and heavier one with four engines. Like their B-2 the design is not reliant on historical Northrop wing tech but on Nazi Horten wing tech from 1945. The B-2's architecture was based on the Ho IX V3 and now they are going over the Ho XVIIIB or C-version as the platform to build on. Russia is hitting ISIS with the Su-25 Frogfoot which is an excellent strike aircraft with a 30mm gun and lots of ordnance. Like the A-10, it is subsonic, heavily armored, can carry devastating weaponry, and take heavy hits. Only the German Tornado IDS is as capable but supersonic. For more precision strikes, the Russians are using the Su-32 Fullbacks to test the aircraft and a range of new weapons. Putin is pissed about the Russian airliner downing, so we will see if he sends in Tu-160 Blackjacks to deal with ISIS. Russia has developed heavy FAEs much stronger than Syrian AF "barrel bombs!" I'm curious if they will send in the new T-14 Armata tanks and armored family too or soldiers with Ratnik gear. Germany, panicked by Russia in Syria just gave the approval for the Leopard 3 tank (finally) and a new AT weapon that will fire a plasma rod penetrator!!!

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