The FMLA Shuffle

(Sung to "Do Your Ears Hang Low" - Unknown)

(Various versions of this abound; this is a square dance version.)

Are your elbows a-aching?
Do your knees now hurt?
Do you have that post partum
'cause a baby you did squirt?
There's a new trend here
If it's work you must avert!
It's called FMLA!

Does your penis sort of burn?
'cause a slattern you did churn?
Or vagina liniment?
'cause you had to pay the rent?
You can take all of these things
and become a queen or king!
Hail FMLA!

(Get up for work now; let's go!
I have an ailment so hell no!
Sorry is one thing I won't say
because I'm pissing off the people with my FMLA!)

Does your head now ache?
Were you eating Yellow Cake?
Are your lungs now shook?
From the Meth Ice that you cooked?
Though yourself you had smote....
You can get a doctor's note!
And claim FHLA!

Are you at massive waist size?
From the extra death fries?
Is your liver perforated
From the rotgut overrated?
Earn the new miscegenation
that's the rage across the nation!
It's called FMLA!

(Up now to work; on you'll they depend!
Failure to show; it'll never end!
I've earned my excuse and I'll live out my days!
Pissing off the people with my FMLA!)

Can you no longer breathe?
Is there a stillness in your head?
I then have some bad news!
You might possibly be dead!
But can I still use it?
If they don't see my obit?
I mean FMLA!

(Get up for work; it's time to clock in!
Is my laziness really a sin!
Maybe later there'll be hell to pay!
because I overused my FMLA!)