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Song Parodies -> "The Ads of Camp Lejeune"
Original Song Title:
"The Halls of Montezuma"
Original Performer:
US Marine Corps
Parody Song Title:
"The Ads of Camp Lejeune"
Parody Written by:
Patrick McWilliams
The Lyrics
It's hard to know sometimes what ads are running in other parts of the country, especially since most of my viewing is of syndicated shows on the up-channel or off-channel stations. Around here (Metro Kansas City) there are at least 10 ads an hour from a number of law firms inviting anyone who served at the Marine Corps base at Camp Lejeune from 1953 to 1987 to sue over illnesses caused by contaminated water. Not sure why they waited so long. Or maybe I am. In any event, I also receive about 10 emails a day on the same subject. I've never been in the Marines, I've never been to Camp Lejeune. Considering the money these firms are spending on advertising, I imagine they expect to be well compensated for their services.
From the rivers, streams and aquifers
To the taps at Camp Lejeune
Flows contaminated water
To our law firm, quite a boon
We pursue each legal remedy
Only took us sixty years
We are proud to make a living
Preying on your hopes and fears
We have reached a major settlement
And collected quite a fee
We will split a bit with those who served
Back in Nineteen Fifty Three
First to fight for judgements lucrative
Cashing in on what went wrong
We will run these advertisements
Through the day and all night long
Every rule of legal trickery
We have carefully applied
Ask the judge for a continuance
'til the victims have all died
While the money keeps on stacking up
'til it reaches to the moon
We are proud to be the profiteers
Of the troops at Camp Lejeune
To the taps at Camp Lejeune
Flows contaminated water
To our law firm, quite a boon
We pursue each legal remedy
Only took us sixty years
We are proud to make a living
Preying on your hopes and fears
We have reached a major settlement
And collected quite a fee
We will split a bit with those who served
Back in Nineteen Fifty Three
First to fight for judgements lucrative
Cashing in on what went wrong
We will run these advertisements
Through the day and all night long
Every rule of legal trickery
We have carefully applied
Ask the judge for a continuance
'til the victims have all died
While the money keeps on stacking up
'til it reaches to the moon
We are proud to be the profiteers
Of the troops at Camp Lejeune
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Nicely done. On a similar note, today is the anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald -- another source of endless merriment for the folks of amirite.
Look at today's entries. I was one of those who trivialized the event in a rather prolific phase of my parodist career. Now I try to restrict myself to just one tribute on the anniversary. Thanks for reading.
Its on endlessly in AZ, too. And some friend in Oregon posted a meme of Chris Farley as that motivational speaker yelling out .. OK, WE HEARD YOU!! THERE'S BAD WATER AT CAMP LEJEUNE!!
I sympathize with those affected by the Camp Lejuene water, but come on! By now, anybody who has been affected has seen these ads a thousand times! Enough!
Seeing as how EVERYBODY has seen these ads a thousand times, then why keep repeating the message. These endless ad buys cost money, so whats the point. Its got to be planting the seed of guilt into the subconsciousness of future jurors.
Without these ads, a lot of stations on the low end of the scale (10 year old reruns of Lizard Lick Towing) would have no sponsors at all. Given the time period to which the class action suit applies (1953 to 1987), anyone who was affected by the water will be in their advanced 90's or suffering from the ravages of time, to where the actual cause of their ailments will be hard to determine. Michael, have you read this years Fitzgerald tribute, yet.
Eh, I don't think spamming people costs as much as you presume: the cost of a membership with a mass mailing service is the same no matter how much mail you send out to however many addresses, whether it's one message to just one guy or a thousand messages to a billion addresses. The lawyers on that class action lawsuit probably just wanted to assure the judge that they had indeed solicited as many victims of Camp Lejeuene's tainted water as possible to come get their cut of the settlement: "Well, your honor, no one can say we didn't try!"
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