Chorus:
This spandex, store brand, rubs gland, it’s like sand
Glum, while I’ve torn the - powder blue stretch-ply strand
Numb, my dead wood, more stressed, view the dull seam corners
This brand decayed, I spewed my pee

My “guy” was balking, was driven out sideways
A flaw, my duff’s free, rear end and thigh flay
I’m raw, plea, foresee, a gal named Sally
On hand, dismayed, a true banshee

Repeat Chorus:

I foamed and shambled and I wallowed in missteps
To the marked down brands for the rhyming perverts
Like thrall with snubbed plea, no choice, expounding
This brand with suede is snug on me

Repeat Chorus:

When I run, I’m whining, there’s no consoling
As my feet feel pavement, suit was truss and choking
And a dog he bit me, Rolls-Royce just bashed me
This spandex splayed a view too free

Repeat Chorus:

So, I went biking, I felt my spine bare
And on that line, it shred, folks harassing
But on another ride, it split and was busting
Two rides were all I knew not three

Repeat Chorus:

I’m not clad, oh how illegal, I squat spread eagle
Place a fig leaf, cautious, don’t seem too regal
Understood I’m grungy, I should be basking
Does this brand need some glue, my plea?

Repeat Chorus:

I bought a chintzy and lesser flop, see
It’s just so shocking, was pleased in driveway
My body fitting would never make me spurn slack
This spandex frayed, I knew no glee

Final Chorus:
This spandex, store brand, demand, should be banned
Dumb now I scorn and – stew and spew, don’t buy, man
Shun, it’s no good, poor quest, choose the full price orders
That brand decayed, taboo for me