The Gran All The Old Guys Want

Verse 1
8 o'clock, Monday night, at the bridge game,
I'll finally talk to a gal a little older than me.
Her name is Peggy; she's a grandma with a bus pass.
She wears a girdle but I'm not quite sure what that means.

Pre-chorus
And when she walks, her hip clicks 'cos of her metal thing,
But she doesn't notice me,

Chorus
'Cos she's watching Countdown, eating up her mince pies,
Listenin' to Sinatra, record player in her eyes.
Its like a bad movie, her glass-eye's lookin' through me,
If you were me then you'd be, moanin' so much you'd be,
As I fail miserably, trying to get the gran all the old guys want,
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want

Verse 2
She likes Sinatra and I like Buddy Holly.
She says the care home she's just been put in isnt that bad.
She says she'd like to score a young guy in his forties.
She'll never know that I'm the best that she'll never have.

Pre-chorus
And when she walks, her hip clicks 'cos of her metal thing
And she'll never notice me,

Chorus
'Cos she's watching Countdown, eating up her mince pies
Listenin' to Sinatra, record player in her eyes
She likes 'em with a bus pass, fake ass, trailor trash
Ridin' in a wheelchair. Does a hair-piece make a man?
Its like a bad movie, her glass-eye's lookin' through me
If you were me then you'd be, moanin' so much you'd be
As I fail miserably, trying to get the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want

Bridge
There she goes again, her slippers on, and curlers in her hair
She broke my heart, I had to be sedated,
And now I need a new pacemaker.

Chorus
Now I'm watchin Countdown, tryin' to eat some mince pies
Listenin' to Sinatra, record players in my eyes
I don't have a bus pass, and I aint got a fake ass.
All I got's a bald head,
bald head,
bald head
Its like a bad movie, her glass-eye's lookin' through me,
If you were me then you'd be, moanin' so much you'd be,
As I fail miserably, trying to get the gran all the old guys want,
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys want
'Cos she's the gran all the old guys