8:00 Monday night and I'm waiting
To finally talk to a girl a little bigger than me
Her name is Bertha, she's a rocker in the true sense
She rocks the house, but I don't mean with a guitar.
And when she walks
All the windows and the floors, they shake
She barely noticed me

Cause she's watching food network
Droolin over french fries
Listening to cow frying
Beef jerky in her eyes
Likes her food with extra salt
She's eatin roast beef
First date is burger king
Screamin someone feed me
As I fell misrably
Tryin to get the Girl all the fat guys want
Cause she's the girl all the fat guys want

She likes the gobstoppers
I like eating oranges
Her cd changer's full of milkshakes and some candy bar wraps
She said she'd like to score some fritos and a corndog.
She'll never know that I'm the smallest guy she'll never have.
And when she walks
All the windows and the floors, they shake
She barely noticed me.

Cause she's watching food network
Droolin over french fries
Listening to cow frying
Beef jerky in her eyes
She likes 'em with a fat ass
Race track season pass
Driving in a big van
The seats can barely hold her can
Likes her food with extra salt
She's eatin roast beef
First date is burger king
Screamin someone feed me
As I fell misrably
Tryin to get the Girl all the fat guys want
Cause she's the girl all the fat guys want

There she goes again
With tripple X shirts
Potato skins in her hand
She broke my heart
I wanna be sedated
All I wanted was to see her naked

Now I'm watching food network
Droolin over french fries
Listening to cow frying
Beef jerky in my eyes
I aint got a fat ass
Will never have a season pass
All I gots a Trans Am.
Don't like my food with extra salt
I can't stand no roast beef
Never go to Burger King
Screamin someone shoot me
As I fell misrably
Tryin to get the Girl all the fat guys want
Cause she's the girl all the fat guys want