I woke up and the wind was so cold
I was face-down in the gutter with a traffic cone wedged underneath my elbow
And I felt about ninety years old
I could see some old lady looking daggers at me through her front room window

Was at a party but I guess I must have left
Though I can’t remember why or when or how
I’ve forgotten where I live so what the hell do I do now?

How did I end up like this?
Now I do recall that
It was our office party, it’s all coming back to me…
Did I really wear this?
And did I drink all that?
I’m about to find out, ‘cause it’s coming back up on me….
(It’s all coming back, coming back up on me now!)

There were crates of Blue Nun* and there was lager and lime
There were things I never should have done but seemed like fun at the time
There were mortifying moments like a badly-scripted pantomime!
Lordy Lordy!

Wonder what did I miss?
Perhaps it wasn’t all that…
No, I have to admit that it’s all coming back to me…
Think I drank too much fizz
And I behaved like a prat
Well there goes my promotion, there’s no coming back for me
Got a terrible notion it’s going to come back on me
And it’s hell to recall, God, it’s all coming back to me now!

Pushed Tim from Finance in a cupboard for a grope
And I think I sat in two CEO’s laps
Photocopied body parts that should’ve been kept under wraps…!

Begged the boss for a kiss
And told his wife she was fat
Then threw up on her shoes, yeah it’s all coming back to me…
With a stage show like this
I’ll be fired just like that
But I do like my booze, keep it all coming back to me…
(Keep it all back, keep it all back for me now!)

Well they said I was drunk and I said “Hell, yes I am!”
Called Security to throw me out but I did not give a damn
‘Cause I saw him in his uniform and thought he was a strippogram….
Baby Baby Baby!

Well he grabbed me like this
So I kicked him like that
And he fell to the floor, I’m sure that will come back on me
Sung a song from ‘Les Mis’
I’m pretty sure I was flat
But I don’t think they noticed, it’s all coming back to me
I took off my clothes (and they won’t give them back to me!)
There I stood in my smalls, God, it’s all coming back to me now!

I’ll read the Jobs page like this
I think I could do that
Must update my CV**, hope they don’t get right back to me now
(Don’t come right back to me now)
‘Cause I don’t feel up to that
(It’s coming back up on me now)
With a headache like this
(It’s coming back up on me now)
Excuse me…..

(Sound of barfing)