He was standin' there beside me, feet on the ground
When he ordered up the football, he looked around
Then he looked at me, and said, "I do believe I'll tie the score."
He said, "Well what the heck, they're tradin' me, but on second thought..."
Tonight, I think: I hate Vanderjagt.

Then he underestimated, he was 20 down.
And a faded $100 fell down and hit the ground.
And I picked it up, and said, "What the (bleep)!"
I put it in his hand.
He said, "I probably oughtta kick this one away."
Wide right! How freakin' gay!
I hate Vanderjagt.

Well, I lost my bet, and I hate you, Mike.
If murder was legal, then you'd probably die.
I know I should move on and wait for the season start again.
But I just can't get over you losin' us the game.
Then I said, "Hey, bud, where's your championship ring?"
I hate Vanderjagt.

He said, "That one big gust o' wind before I kicked the ball
Was really really strong, and that is all."
I said, "Man, that's cool. That's kind of you. But you were in a dome!"
I hate Simmons, Porter, Batch, and Hoke
And Roethlisberger, just 'cause he's a joke.
And I hate Vanderjagt.

Well, I lost my bet, and I hate you, Mike.
If murder was legal, then you'd probably die.
I know I should move on and wait for the season start again.
But I just can't get over you losin' us the game.
Then I said, "Hey, bud, where's your championship ring?"
I hate Vanderjagt.

(Instrumental Break)

So I pulled out my phone, and I called the cops.
I said, "You better get down here and make me stop."
I paid for his drinks, and I shot at his face.
But the bullet went wide right....