Song Parodies -> "Stupid Yard Of Chokin' Weeds (And Gnomes)"

Original Song Title:

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

Original Performer:

"Stupid Yard Of Chokin' Weeds (And Gnomes)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

My submission for the Green Green Day Day challenge. A tale of horticultural ineptitude, a descent into madness and wee folks made of pottery...

There's lots of stuff I know
Like the GDP of Kosovo
But it seems I blow
When it comes to making my garden grow

Botanical misdeeds
In my stupid yard of chokin' weeds
Thought seeds might succeed
Was overconfident, so I bought a hoe
Spent all my dough and bought a hoe
(GTFO? You bought a..?)

I'm forlorn...should I just sell my garden toolkit?
My poor lawn...looks like North Korea's nuked it
Sometimes I...hear the Green Reaper beside me
Whisp'ring..."c'est mort*, you dope"

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm really mystified
I've committed hyacinth-icide
I'll admit my crimes
Sad for hedge, despair for slaughtered rose

Mixed Quik-Gro and lime
I f***ed up; now there's man-eating vines
What's that purple slime?
I told myself "screw this" and I bought a gnome

I bought a gnome, a garden gnome
A garden gnome, I bought a...

I've battled...but slugs and aphids disrespect me
I'm rattled...hope that little dude protects me
Holding a...fishing rod with hands so tiny
That's Sven, my awesome gnome

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, ah-ah,
I want more gnomes
I want more....

[Instrumental solo played on weed whacker]

And now my work's complete
No more stupid yard of chokin' weeds
I just poured concrete
And bought myself four hundred and forty....

Gnomes dancing...there's gnomes in cars and gnomes on ponies
Gnomes prancing...I'm psychotic and quite lonely
Sometimes, I...wonder why my friends avoid me
Who cares? I talk to gnomes......

* c'est mort: French for " It is dead"

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Stuart McArthur - March 16, 2018 - Report this comment

Ha, very Kristofian humour on display here KR, down to Sven the awesome gnome (lovely syllable matching) but my first thrill came from the brilliant toolkit/nuked it couplet. Loved hyacinthicide too. I don’t think you’ll be getting much for your toolkit if they’ve seen your work. It’s a nasty hobby where one little mistake can result in man-eating vines! Lovely stuff 555

JAB - March 16, 2018 - Report this comment

Fine vine parody.

Matthias - March 16, 2018 - Report this comment

At least you’re not gnome alone! This was really funny and a great use of greenery here with your mutant killer vines usually I only get those when I’m playing Jumanji.

Peregrin - March 16, 2018 - Report this comment

I loved the way this led into the subject in the first verse then had a definite ending. Particularly caught by the lines "Green Reaper" and "hyacinth-icide". Sven approved! :)

Claude Prez - March 17, 2018 - Report this comment

Well Stuart took most of my favorite lines but I'll add that I really enjoyed all the "I walk alone" subs (especially that first one heh heh). Awesome job and GREAT solution, I've been trying to get my wife on board with the concrete lawn thing for years, maybe gnomes are the key.

Rex - March 17, 2018 - Report this comment

E-gnome-ously awesome!

Peter Andersson - March 17, 2018 - Report this comment

A gnome named Sven? You've been smoking too much of that weed! The first gnome should always be namned Nisse! Every Swede knows that!

Right, you're not a swede...

wannabemustangjockey - March 17, 2018 - Report this comment

I'm convinced this is a reason why some people choose to live in apartments. I prefer a yard myself but I'm terrible at tending it.

TJC - March 17, 2018 - Report this comment

Ditto Stu's and Claude's sentiments. An rollicking rock RoundUp™ of gardening glitches!

Agrimorfee - March 17, 2018 - Report this comment

Gnome man is an island.

Jeff Reuben - March 18, 2018 - Report this comment

My wife appreciates this one quite a bit! She has far more luck against the Green Reaper than I...I'm relagated to weed whacking :)

Spaff.com - March 23, 2018 - Report this comment

Since childhood, I have marveled at the local retirees who seemingly pour every hour of their retirement into tending to their lawn and foliage. Meanwhile, I barely care enough to muster up the motivation to mow my frickin' lawn. So I guess I'll have to do something else with my time when I retire. Something worthwhile. Like writing and commenting on parodies on Amiright. Heh heh. Oh, but Kristof? All those lines that everyone else mentioned a week before I got around to doing so? I love them too.

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