I'm quite the heavy load
Don't walk anywhere I just get towed
Everywhere I go
And I'm the biggest thing that's on the road

I lumber down the street
On the Boulevard of Krispy Kremes
Eat "em by the sheet
Often mistaken for a mobile home

I put mayonnaise on ice cream cones
But I'm not fat I'm just big

My shadow covers everything I see and
My heart stops beating every day at 3 and
Vegas has bets on when I'll stop breathing
Right now I crave calzones

Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah Ahhh
Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah-ah

I think it's a bad sign
Some people use me to tell the time
Is it such a crime, to drink bacon grease straight from a hose?

That's not bad at all
I'm not worried bout Cholesterol
Never seen my balls
But I'm sure they're there inside my folds

Along with missing Nazi gold
Won't live past the week's what I'm

My shadow covers half of Tennesee and
My blue jeans read "Waist size: Redwood Tree" and
I help beached whales back into the sea I
Nudge them with my big toe

Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah Ahhh
Ah-ah Ah-ah Ah-ah

I just nudge them with my big

I'm like an SUV
Lots of gas and I roll easily
Tried to join Marines
They said "If we need tanks we'll let you"

My shadow covers planet Mercury and
The smallest thing on me's my self esteem and
Someday I swear I'll quit on Krispy Kremes but
Til then it's Toblerones!