If you got infections, well I also got some:
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum

I got loads of these effing STDs
Venerially I'm somebody who'll spread disease
I've critics that say "he's herpes, lice, clap"
I'm saying they're stupid, I got WAY more than that

Because I don't do checks, or protected sex
My skin flakes off every time I flex my pecs
I'm like f*** 'em all, that's what I try to do
If you call me irresponsible.. well f*** you too

Got ice and a slice an' I got pubic lice
Playin' with me is playin' loaded dice, so
Hepatitis A an' hepatitis B, well
Hepatitis CDEFG an' J to the Z

I also got cirrhosis, and more, you'll notice
Only one I haven't got is vaginosis
More spirochaetes than sperm ejected when I come
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy

STI problems, and an itchy bum
If you got gonorrhoea, then feel glad it's just one
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy

Now it's twenty-one-four, and my dick is raw
People say that I break the motherf***in' law
Got two choices, not one, when I'm gettin' my fun
Bounce on the Devil, need a metal condom

Ain't just my critics say I'm syphilitic
When I got a few dollars, I get paralytic
When I pull I squeeze to check what is real
And ain't no transmission from copping a feel

I ain't young, I ain't black and I ain't yeast-free
I got every known diff'rent type of STD
Some I can't say, no matter how hard I try, as is
Tricky-o? Trickle-o? No: Trichomoniasis

Diarrhoea's also verbal, and all o' this piffle is
Just a way of sayin' I'm infected with syphilis
I got a papilloma virus, and I got chlamydia
I bet you didn't see that little beauty coming, did ya?

I'll never have babies, they'd be born with scabies
Yes, I'd bite your hand off to have only rabies
When she calls, I say "no, ma, I'm not in a coma
Just feeling limp with lymphogranuloma"

Hurts like bejee-zus every time I pee
That could be another TLA like HIV
If it hurts when you pee, I feel bad for you son
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy

STI problems, and an itchy bum
Had the pox so long, I got a gangrenous thumb
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy.

STI problems, and an itchy bum
Irritation all the way up into my rectum
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy

Now once upon a time, not too long ago
One visit to the doctor and then you would know
Now I've so many symptoms they're more like detritus
No, ain't nothing specific about my urethritis

I try to ignore all my penile warts
There're buboes on my buboes, all my sores have sores
Afraid to look down, worried 'bout what I'll find
It isn't masturbation that has made me go blind

And it's just as I suspected the doctor has detected
I had a little virus that infected me and wrecked it
And there's pustules, weeping sup- suppuration
Feelin' like it in flames from the inflammation

At my back door, scratchin' again
It itches like a bitch it's gonna drive me insane
Doctor says is isn't haemorrhoids or gout
It's all the wiggly worms, tryin' to get out

So all you wankers and merchant bankers
Ain't never had to deal with this size of chancres
You say I'm suppurating, pustulent scum
I got STI problems and an itchy bum, itchy

STI problems, and an itchy bum
When a girl ask me if I'm clean, I stay schtumm
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy

STI problems, and an itchy bum
My meat & two veg has got mould on the plum
I got STI problems, and an itchy bum, itchy

Gimme one more problem and then I'll have the ton
I got STI problems and an itchy bum, ha ha
Hmm crazy for this one dick.. it's dropped off