Afraid that's me, out plantin' seeds
In an autodidact's garden—too much shade.
Soil's pretty thin—no nitrogen.
I'm an autodidact gard'nin' with no spade.

I've dug a trench in which to pee. . .
Autodidact, too, in plumbery.
I plunge these seeds in way too deep.
In China, someone is gonna harvest maize.

I planted corn before a storm,
Now the soil is washing away on the waves.
And that one's dead, that poor seed bed,
Where I dumped the arsenic I didn't save.

In silk pants I kneel on ground;
Should have bought overalls in town.
I've soiled my knee while plantin' seeds
In an autodidact's garden. I must bathe.

If cabbage sprouts: sauerkraut
Will I make; it is one of my faves.
(This dish is one of my faves.)
I lose joy when I learn it's bok choy.
Even worse—I seasoned it with mace.
(Seasoned it with mace.)

Feel crappy, I want snap peas and beans.
Need someone to show me what to do.
I'd bet on beets; now I eat meats.
As an autodidact gard'ner, I'm through.