Well, this constriction is not exactly "bound for glory". . .
For a girl who's had too much parfait.
She's the kind of girl who weighs so much
You need a lorry
When it comes around to moving day.
A girdle, girdle.

She's the kind of girl who's big around
And nearly square.
She needs a tool--
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze--
That will help her to look good
And make her abs as hard as wood--
The jocks will drool, drool, drool, drool.
Girdle, girdle.

When I think of all the time she's tried so hard to lever
Herself into that elastic spine
That promises girth reduction
It's a great deceiver,
Bringing her waist down to 29.
Girdle, girdle.

She's the kind of girl who's big around
And nearly square.
She needs a tool--
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze--
That will help her to look good
And make her abs as hard as wood--
The jocks will drool, drool, drool, drool.
Girdle, girdle.

She was told when it was tugged,
Would cut in twain her measure,
With a Wonderbra complemented,
Which would span and rake her rack,
Leading to ogling pleasure.
She just hopes that there is no loose thread.
Ah, girdle, girdle.