It looks like we'll lose this game
Tonight we have blown the lead again
Everybody knows, no one here can close
Jeez, these guys aren't as good as semi-pros
Not one throws a good curve

We've got a lousy bullpen, yes, it's true
All their ERA's are above "10"; man, they're screwed
All these guys throw just like they're women
And not one of them throws a good curve

I clearly see a trend
We'll be last in our division again
Our batters aren't too good; rarely ball hits wood
Outfielder's just don't catch fly balls that they should
First it's dropped; thrown to the wrong base in the dirt

We've lost our last eleven, yes, we have
and before that our last twenty-seven; we're so bad
That our fans attend the games drunken
I must duck the bottles that they hurl

(Break)

Gave up "8" runs in the first
and then "6" more - I just cursed
It was as I feared
Then I brought in Ted Hurst
he did worse
he walked six straight men
and I realized then
Soon would be when...

I would get the 'boot'
Was clear; did not have to be astute
And I must confess; prob'ly for the best
We're in disarray, this team's a mess
We're so lousy; so pathetic that it hurts

We're last in our division, yes, we are
and our fans now boo in derision
And our new GM makes real poor decisions
I don't think we could beat a team of girls