“Gimps” who’re “lame” lie through fake tears,
stroll into my office, yap.
Mouths untired, their flames explode,
their ideas streaming like sap.
They’re awfully edgy as they cry
about how they vow
to go to court and get even, then
they nearly start a row.

Half-assed postulates leap forth.
“Calm down! Abate!” I scream,
“No case is all black and white;
Let’s try to work as a team.”
So manic, cracked, a bunch that jeers,
mouths pratin’ screech like “meows,”
but they remind me of Beatty bent
and screaming like a sow.

Girl’s braces, says her mom, downcast,
have caused friends’ levity.
The dental slights have made her sick,
thus hysterical she.
“He should be hung, orthodontist,
then slaughtered like a cow!”
She is strung out, but some lithium
smoothes furrows in her brow.

He’s found blame for his reddened tongue,
but in gen’ral, the rule
is that boiling hot coffee
should be given time to cool.
But Mickey D, he has averred,
is gonna get it now.
And so he wants to go after them
for ninety million. Wow!

There’s an older man who wants to ban
any guy or gal who’ll teach
evolution, ’cause Darwin’s the enemy,
he yells with simian screech.
His wrath bray says that contusion nodes
mutate beneath his brow.
I just hold my tongue then say that ten
million’s my fee—“Pay now!”

It’s hard when they lard on ranting threats
and groan when I reject
their peevish way of thinking—
some of them I must eject.
God, I’m sad I spent all those terms
getting my JD. Now
I think I’ll become a farmer bent
over an old-time plow.