I was badly lanced,
So I caulked my thigh.
Blanched, white as a bone
Serum demand: high.
Then approached a man,
Gave me some ginkgo,
And soon I knew: these remedies were faux.

Blame it on the bogus nostrums
With their “magic spell.”
Ate a lot of bogus nostrums. . .
Didn’t feel so well.
Oh, it all began with just one little dram,
But soon it ended up a full-blown scam.
Lame this schmuck. . .took bogus nostrums—
The scam non-drug.

Now, was I a goon?
Oh, so. . .took bogus nostrums.
I had scarfed a bunch. . .
No, no to bogus nostrums!
Now, was I a loon?
Yeah, yeah. . .took bogus nostrums—
The scam non-drug.

Now I’m sad to say:
What had guided me:
Oprah et al praise for scam-ery.
And there’s no quizas,*
No there is no doubt
I had been played for a fool and a lout.

Game I’d been for bogus nostrums
With their “magic spell.”
Ate a lot of bogus nostrums. . .
Didn’t feel so swell.
Oh, it all began with just one little scam
But soon it ended ’cause wiser I am.
Shamed I was. . .took bogus nostrums—
The scam non-drug.


*maybe, perhaps