Hays Goes

Hays goes to work every day, blue pencil in hand.
Hates jokes; don't go—he is a constipated man.
He's going to protect young and old ladies
From messy words and images—ones that he'll ban.
He's a bluenose, but his face a red shade; he
Saw something 'about a girl messin' 'round with a man.
And it made him drool.

Hays goes to his office in Tinsel Town—
He's the Town's clown now.
Hays mows signs of creativity down.
He's always wearing a frown, yeah.
Yeah.
Keep it hid—use a blotter.

To the writers, he's just a pest, just a pest around Town.
One week a whole crew shot a
Film he wrecked—it had a girl in a dressing gown
He made them reshoot it.

That lady Mae West, with scripts, was fooling around,
And he shaved off the puns!. . .
Outfoxed her.
Uptight.
Have to shoot the film again, lady!
Yeah!
He prigged it;
So uptight.

Hays blows:
All the writers sum up the situation so.
"Hays blows," they said. . .
Would like to run him down in the lot at Metro.

He'll make sure that no mouth
Says something sexy—no way!
Clamped tight.

He's checking every mouth
As editors do Foley.*
He wants very much to fine three:
They used slang when they shoulda
Used a joke that was connotation-free.

He leaves with a righteous scowl.
He's gonna go now.
Hays goes,
And they all run him down:

"Goodbye, busybody!"

Hays blows. . . .


*Foley editing: postproduction sound recording.