On a Soho street corner, the old woman stands
Beckoning punters her way
Her pimp soon approaches and rudely demands
How much money has she made today
"How much have you taken, how much have you got?"
"Ten pounds 2p from the guys"
"Which tight-fisted bastard gave only 2p?"
"All of them did," she replies

BLEEP! old birds, tuppence a hag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a hag
BLEEP! old birds, tuppence a hag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a hag

For it's your invitation
To cheap fornication
Won't cost you an arm, or a leg
But best use protection
Upon your erection
Or it might cost you much worse instead

Get herpes, tuppence a hag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a hag
STDs, tuppence a hag
Tuppence, comeuppance, tuppence a hag

Don't touch, you might break up
Her half-inch of make-up
They call her the Kronenbourg whore
She looks pretty fine:
Age sixteen from behind
From the front, she's at least sixty-four

Aged birds, dressed up as lamb
Mutton, mutton dressed up as lamb
Ancient birds, tuppence a hag
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a sha...
..a..
..a..
.g.