(slowly)
Now here's a little ditty - that I will sing when drunk
About an unknown hero - who hauls away your junk.
Some earn lots of momey - others lots of cash.
My old man don't earn much - just garbage, junk, and trash.

(In happy tempo)
Oh, my old man's a trashman - he wears a trashman's cap.
He'll haul away your garbage - and your unwanted crap.
He wears his grimey overalls - and drives in a garbage truck.
Just never give some lip to him - 'cause he doesn't give a...WHOOOAAA!

Some folks are friendly to him - while others pitch a fit.
When daddy sees the latter - he spills a little bit.
One fellow got quite angry - and gave his boss some calls.
The next time daddy went there - he kicked him in the balls!

Oh, my old man's a trashman - he wears a trashman's hat.
He'll haul away your garbage - and even your dead cat!

(Spoken)
Hey Tommy! What does a snail say when he rides on a turtle's back?
He says "WHHHEEEEE!!"

(Sung)
My dad goes through the garbage - for anything he'll need.
He saves all of the magazines - he really likes to read.
He always saves the Playboys - 'though he's eighty-one years old.
(He says) "I don't need viagra - just a crumpled centerfold!"

Oh, my old man's a trashman - he wears a trashman's coat.
He says you'd have less garbage - if you only owned a goat!

(Spoken)
Hey, Michael! What do you say to a parody writer in a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise!"

(Sung)
One day when he was working - he missed a lady's can.
He'd only gone two houses - when after him she ran.
"Where do you think you're going?" - she yelled and ran amuck.
"Is it too late for the garbage?" - "No, jump inside my truck!"

Oh, my old man's a trashman - he wears a trashman's pants.
He makes a lot more money - than his counterparts in France.

(Spoken)
Hey Barry! What's the difference between a bad parodist and a sack of excrement?
"The sack!"

(Sung)
Some folks throw crazy stuff away - put odd things in their can.
My dad has lots of fun with this - 'cause he's a dev'lish man.
Some guy threw a trombone away - so what did daddy do?
(The) next week when he came around - my old man left him TWO!

Oh my old man's a trashman - he wears a trashman's gloves.
He has a merry time of it - his work he truly loves.
Each week he takes your refuse - for you he's heaven-sent.
(And he'd) Rather be a trashman - than to be the Pres-i-dent!!