On winter days,
And on through to late November,
Come the saucers.
They're abducting people from the streets and roads.
They're also snatching cows and snakes and toads.

CHORUS:
Read it all in
The Weekly World News.

Down in D.C.,
The President has been cloned,
By the Screen Actor's Guild.
This can tell your future by eating your hair.
The devil really is in Linda Blair.

CHORUS

And in Texas,
The cows have taken over.
They're in this with the NRA.
Scientists have developed a time machine, you know?
We may have no proof, but we know that it's so.

CHORUS

Elvis ain't dead.
He's living in LA with Hendrix.
We've got blurry pics to proove it.
Cheney comes from Mars. Living, breathing cars.
All this in our next issue coming soon.

CHORUS

Where the truth has no place,
And exaggeration rules.