So ashamed: there is a website showing photographs
Of all the things I've had the pleasure to have done
Like the time I thought I'd have some fun
Beside the M1

But there are things that you should not try with a motorcar
When little children point their mobiles at your back
They're recording for a happy-slap
And like causing pain
Very strange

So ashamed I've got red ears and lowered eyes
'Cause I've done some things people despise
Like shit on railway track

I'm so ashamed I used to fornicate with daffodils
And weeping willows, and whatever in between
And though the pictures may be thought obscene
They're online, it seems

[Kazoo Solo]

So ashamed - please block your ears and shut your eyes
While I quickly put on my disguise
Oh, bummer.. Hi there, Jack

Behind the shelter in the middle of a roundabout
My latex nurse and I begin our.. cabaret
And though she feels like rubber in foreplay
Takes it anyway

So ashamed that I've been shaved of all my pubic hair
In Oxford circus by a rabid capuchin
And he doesn't put it in the bin
Sticks it back again
Very strange

So ashamed I've got red ears and lowered eyes
There, I'm in the dock, hoping to die
I fake a heart attack
So ashamed - please block your ears and shut your eyes
While I go collect my Nobel prize
So ashamed.