I got to Kansas City on a Mond'y
To tell them that I'd learned a thing or two.
'til Camp David I hadn't had an idee
Of how the country'd got into this stew.

A hundred million gas buggies goin' by theirselves!
Why? People ought-a have the sense to walk.
The way some folks adhere to the cell telyphone,
They must think it takes no energy to talk.

(What next? Yeah what? What next!)

Ev'rythin's energized in Kansas City;
They've gone about as fer as they kin go.
They went and built a parkin' lot seven stories high,
Encouragin' the traffic jams to grow!

Ev'rything was a dream in Kansas City,
Until they found their gas tanks runnin' low.
You could turn the air-condish-ner on to save y' from the heat.
With ev'ry kind-a comfert ev'ry car was all complete.
You could wait in gas lines with no strain while in a contoured seat.
They'd gone about as fer as they could go - yes sir!
They've gone about as fer as they should go.

Ev'rythin's now first-rate in Kansas City;
They've spent about as much as they can blow.
They've got big-screen the-ay-ter in homes and hotels too;
Fer fifteen bucks, you can see eye-candy show!

All of the gals are hot, tanned, slinky, pretty:
Full round above, no extra pound below.
They can wear the sheerest glad-rags, ever bolder that reveal;
And even with their pants on, when they dance can make you feel
What ev'ry single guy is glad to grab, so cutely steal.
They've shown about as much as they can show - yes sir!
They've gone about as fer as they should go.

----- orchestral interlude -----

Oh, that's about as far as I can go.
Yes, that's as far as parody should go.