You could 'ear the lies abound
Every time 'e made a sound
And the foul stench of corruption
Seemed to follow him around
He'd gallumph into Downing Street
In jogging pants and vest
His name was Boris
And he ran the dodgiest government in the West

Now Boris knew an Owen who had been a naughty boy
Who thought himself far better than plebeian hoi polloi
Thought rules did not apply to him, he was haughty, proud and chic,
And Boris, truth be told, employed a similar technique
They called him Boris (Boris)
And he ran the dodgiest government in the West

Now Owen (paid by Randox milk) had said "Hey, FSA"
{Some stuff 'bout milk and sausages he thought were not OK}
He said he was a whistleblower, 'cause whistleblowing's best
But what he didn't mention: his conflict of interest
That should've worried Boris (Boris)
And he ran the dodgiest government in the West

Now Boris had a nemesis, whose name was Kathryn Stone
The Standards Commissioner who had censured his pal Owen
Keith Vaz and Ian Paisley had also felt her wrath
When Boris didn't pay for a holiday, she was on the warpath
She thought it wrong that he'd gone along without knowing who paid
And the prospect of her censure made him ever more dismayed
He knew once she looked into it exactly what she'd say
So maybe they could change the rules to get her out the way
That's Boris, (Boris)
And he ran the dodgiest government in the West

So a certain Mrs Loathsome an amendment did propose
Her friend should not be censured by persons such as those
Then many other Tories rose to grump, complain and grouse
And one who also spoke was the (then) Leader of the House
Whose name was Jacob, (Jacob)
And he led the dodgiest government in the West

Now Boris ordered a three-line-whip to force which way to vote
And with an 80-seat majority, he knew he'd win and gloat
In debate, they whined and ranted that the system wasn't fair
Yet when those censured were not Tories, it appeared they didn't care
So Boris won his vote, but it turned out not to be bliss:
For the public finally noticed that something was amiss
So Boris quickly figured what he hoped would save his ass
He ordered his government's (and the world's) quickest volte-face
Leaving all those MPs who'd supported him nonplussed
While everybody else felt something far more like disgust
He made puppy-eyes to camera as if to say "so what's the fuss?"
As his ex-pal Owen is swiftly throw-en underneath the bus
That's Boris (Boris)
And he ran the dodgiest government in the West

Owen's only 65 - and that's retiring age
So he harrumphed and resigned as though resigning's all the rage
But Kathryn the Commissioner has so far not been banned
And a PM's finance dodginess may yet be in her hand
But a country's needs are many fold and Boris still PM
And Rees-Mogg still leads the House - though both may be pro tem
Was that the polls a-turning from sleaze ad infinitum
As Boris's many misdeeds are coming back to bite him?
They won't re-elect Boris (Boris)
And he ran the dodgiest government in the West