The sincerest of smiles
That does not reach his eyes
He'll evade the question
With all his replies
And he's at his most honest
When he says "Vote for ME"
He's smart and he's smooth
But he's only a Tory MP

He's a family man
With his 2.4 daughters
They all take to TV
Like ducks do to water
But don't mention the mistress
(There's been two or three)
He tups like a chief
'Cause he's only a Tory MP

Chorus:
Oh, he'll take care of himself
To be leader, he wants
He can wait till next time
No, he will never give up
And he never gives in
Even changes his mind

If you give him the option
To lead, he will grab it
Patting you on the back
As he checks where to stab it
When he says he supports you
There's no guarantee
Wants it all for himself
'Cause he's only a Tory MP

Chorus

He is openly kind
But he's covertly me-an
'Specially to the French, cause
He's no European
If he's deselected,
As soon as he's free
Then the time he will do
As a back-bencher's through
'Cause he's joining the UKIP