They can carry a ring
All the way to Mount Doom
They can live with the ents going "oom, boom and foom"
They can dance on the tables and sing songs in Bree
Some folk call them "Hobbits"
But they're always just orc-bait to me

They can steal from dragons
Or ringses from Gollum
They won't do what they're told
They won't come when you call 'em
Live in middle-class holes, underground bourgeoisie
But they make a good thief
Yet they're no more than orc-bait to me


Oh--they have hair on their feet
They're so quiet when they walk
They complain all the time
Though, when their strength, it gives out
They will never give in
Plodding on in a line


And they'll carry a sword
That's the size of a dagger
But they can't use it well
And they can't even stab a
Spider that's creeping
Up, ominously
But they never do die
Even though they're just orc-bait to me


CHORUS:
Oh--can't take care of themselves
Need a Strider around
When it's orc-killing time
No, won't say "Hi, Uruk-hai"
Or gobble a goblin
They're not really that kind

They will save Middle Earth
From the Evil One's armies
And battle the Nazgul
When they're flying like harpies
Yes, it's hard to believe
'Cause they're so small and twee
Sauron blown from his throne
Overlord overthrown
But they're still ****ing orc-bait to me