Swear I did sweep one time, re-moved all the grime
Around two thousand 'o two
Fridge oozes mealy fright
Sink is abounding with gleemites **
And a-bout thousand nose hairs

Drenched in pee the toilet seat
My farts hang like heat
And my place is a sty - I'm a bachelor guy
Shoving the dirt under rug on sly
Place is a sty - I'm a bachelor guy
Scrubbing's a chore!

I'm con-vinced cleaning is taboo
Ptomaine is fine ingredient too
And I don't b'lieve in tofu
Know I only have one dish for din
That dish sprouts goo - I'll eat from tin, forever and ever

Baking! Must disarm
Trilling of fire alarm
As the smoke starts to rise cooking has gone awry
Oven's aroar - think the ceiling's fried
Place is a sty - I'm a bachelor guy
Can't find the doooooor

My sofa's quite askew
All the springs are poking through
A foul rust wilts my house plants
The piling of shag rug's now sprouting a lovefeast for ants
And I don't carpet shampoo!

Skanky socks undarned
Smelling just like an old barn
And my place is a sty - I'm a bachelor guy
Grubby ol' laundry piled high
Place is a sty - I'm a bachelor guy
Tub's been ignored...
Turn a blind eye to that discarded pie
Dumped on the floor milling thick with flies
Place is a sty - I'm a bachelor guy
Slovenly boor