Floss Me In The Morning

Floss me in the morning
Then just talk away
All about my x-rays
And my tooth decay

(Hey!) Wasn't it me who said that
I would brush after meals forever?
And wasn't it you who asked
"Do your gums bleed?" and I answered "Never"?

Didn't you take a toothpick
Shove it down behind my molars and
Drag up half a pound of turkey and then
Poppy seeds, Swiss chard and mango skin?

Well, I concede my pockets have grown supersized
And now you see what I've had to eat over time

Yes, I've got to confess that I never flossed 'em!
All those gadgets you gave me I guess I tossed 'em!
Tell you what, I need to lie here and think about
The last time that you

Flossed me in the morning
Then told me to rinse
Left me as you found me, tasting peppermint

(Hey!) Wasn't it months ago I made a joke about periodontics?
Now every week or so I send a check to my orthodontist
("Didn't you brush...")

Didn't the dentist drill me
Literal- and figuratively
I can understand your feeling let down
When you see my gaping cavities

I can't say I've treasured my gums more than life
So please don't watch me as I succumb to the knife

Pump that nitrous oxide
And I'll act so silly
Count down from 99
Yeah, that's when you'll bill me
I'll see stars, and twittering birds, and just before
I pass out, see you
Floss me in the morning
(Thought you were kind of cute the way you asked about my vacation)
Then just talk away
(All that saliva pooling makes for one-sided conversation)
All about my x-rays
(Wishing that lamp so glaring wasn't blinding me through my eyelids)
And my tooth decay
(But when you press down on me I get to thinkin' I kinda like this...)
Floss me in the morning.......