"A LONG, LONG TIME AGO...
MY UNCLE WAS A GENERAL
HE MADE HIMSELF A GREAT BIG PILE
AND IT'S HERE TO THIS VERY DAY
THE MONEY THAT HE STASHED AWAY
WELL HIDDEN, AFTER HE WAS PUT ON TRIAL

NOW I MUST GET IT OUT THE COUNTRY
OR ELSE I'M STUCK UP A GUM TREE
THE DETAIL'S HERE AND FOLLERS:
FORTY MILLION DOLLARS

THE MONEY I HAVE TRIED TO HIDE
BUT SOON I MUST GET IT OUTSIDE
AND THEN YOUR MAIL ADDRESS I SPIED
TAKE 10%"
..he lied

'Cause it's a
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get into my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

Do you think you'll see a dime
From these repulsive low-life slime?
Why'd you think that they chose you?
Do you believe they they are full
Of shit, or are you gullible
When they say, to be rich this is what you do

Well, I know that it is just a trap
And they're completely full of crap
'Cause you sure ain't unique:
Man, I get a dozen a wee-heeek

"I WORK AT A NIGERIAN BANK"
"I'M IN THE ARMY, A GENERAL'S RANK
FOUND GOLD IN IRAQ, UNDER A TANK"
"YOU COULD BE RICH"
..He lied

You know that it's a
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

Now one guy went out on his own
To Africa, he should have known
Hell, just how stupid could he be?
So they kidnapped the greedy scrote
And sent his wife a ransom note
And it made headline news on the TV

Police were all looking round
The kidnappers had gone to ground
But he should not be sorry
He got a free safari
And though his sojourn was unplanned
He thought he'd come back cash in hand
Instead, t'was a ransom demand
He should have known they lied

You know that it's a
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

HIDDEN IN THE NILE DELTA
THERE'S GOLD IN THAT THERE FALLOUT SHELTER
I'LL LET YOU KNOW MY VERY SECRET PLAN
I'M WRITING TO YOU 'CAUSE I MUST
FIND SOMEBODY THAT I CAN TRUST
AN HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY KIND OF MAN

Now, what trustworthy kind of man
Would answer to this blatant scam?
Oh, how I feel like trying
To fool them by replying
But I figure that there ain't no doubt
It would be me that loses out
And I'd be left to scream and shout
Complaining that they lied

I started singing:
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

Oh, there's one more thing I cannot place
Why DO they type in uppercase?
There ain't no reason that I can detect
So come on: don't be stupid, don't be thick
Think why should it be *you* they pick
And why's their grammar always incorrect?

And why do they always spell
The numbers out in words as well
Why'd they type it so, then?
M-I-L-I-O-N
And as they plant subversive seed
Appealing to our basest greed
Promising lots of cash that we'd
All like, but know they lied

We were singing,
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam

I met a man who thought it true
And argued till his face was blue
I knew he must be turned away.
He thought it was worth a punt
Just ten thousand quid up front
But I convinced him that they'd never pay

If they say money's there for you
If it sounds too good to be true
Trust me, don't believe it
Simplest thing is leave it
And if you think there's cash abroad
A cache stashed in some foreign hoard...
419 Advance Fee Fraud
The way those emails lied

And we're all singing:
Damn scam this Nigerian spam
I won't be dup-ed, just how stupid
Do those guys think I am?
'Scuse me while I get out of my pram
Singin', I see straightaway it's a sham
I see straightaway it's a scam