Well, I'm a-rummagin' my clothes,
Fly down, loos'nin' the hose.
I got plenty whizzin' on my mind.

Pours forth like a Rhône freed;
Like a racing roan steed
Am I when it's wettin' time.

Shakin' pee free,
Shakin' pee free,
Don't let it drown the seat,
'cause that piques my lady.

Lighten up while here I stand;
Like Larry Craig. . .got a wide stance,
But I don't seek what's in the pants
Of males to please me.

Well, I'm a-standin', no Viagra,
An' whizz-go like Niagra--
Got fine sight line for my pee.
It swirls when outpoured
Like a frothèd fjord;
Bowl is round, yet much flies errantly.
"Come on, baby, don't--hey!--flay me:
The floor and seat I will clean up."
She don't the lake see.

I let loose and some may drip
Over the rim of the toilet's lip.
I open up like bilge on ship
When shakin' pee free.

Well, I'm a stuffin' back my node;
I've abused the commode.
I've gotta scrub it till it looks fine.
Look and I discover: shoulda lifted cover;
Floor's warped, out of line.

Hastily flee, hastily flee
And take a powder in my wheels.
Mate goes crazy.
Can't berate me or debate me.
I stop, a men's room--the seat's down--
And deflate me,
Once more shakin' pee free;
I gotta shake that pee free.