[Piano Intro]

Rancid custard
Now I must turd
Running for the can
Hold my thighs
What's inside
It's not what I had planned

Diarrhea
An innard cleaner
Body's last resort

What was in me
Must be emptied
Then I'll eat food that is bland

[instrumental break]

Whole place reeks
I stained my sheets
Nasty stink throughout my house
Burning ass
And awful gas
I'm hoping this will soon pass

In pain, oh man
I fill up the can
Wonder where all this came from

On the john
For way too long
It hurts me so
My ruined bum

[instrumental break]

My butt
How it hurts; I squeal
Sitting here
On my sore rear

I must "poo"
It's burns and sears me
It burns so awfully
Totally

Wash my clothes out
Do my pants first
Get those stains out
Of my skivvies

Put in lots of bleach
Use plenty
I hope those brown streaks go away

I'm still moaning
Damn, my ass hurts
Rectum red from
Too much wiping

All my sheets are streaked
And reeking
I might just throw them all away

[instrumental break]

Ate bad custard
Stomach; does hurt
Must eat food that's bland
My insides
They feel fried
Not very amusing, man

Salmonella
Ain't much fun, fella
Real sore is my can

I feel like bleep
Bleat like a sheep
My poor ass sure hurts; oh damn

[instrumental break]

Oh-oh
That is what I feared
Cut a fart
But something smeared
Wasn't through
Not through; not nearly
There's sh*t all on me
It's gross; eek!

A gross crap I
Took in pants, sir
Stuck in traffic
On the highway

No restrooms
Within my vision
I'm stuck here in my crap
Oy Vey!

Think I'll have clear soup
For dinner
Pass on "Real" food
For a few days

No more custard
Now for dessert
I learned the hard way
You could say

[instrumentals out to End]