Song Parodies -> "Cat Robbed the Cradle"

Original Song Title:

"Cat's In the Cradle"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Cat Robbed the Cradle"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Guy DiRito used a nearly identical title in October 2004, but this is hardly the same subject. I think we can now say that Tiger Woods' cheating has inspired enough songs to qualify as a "parody perfect storm." As far as I know, however, all his girlfriends are (at least officially) adults. (How mature they might be, that's another story... ) And since he's 34, he'd almost have to be heading into "jailbait" territory in order to "rob the cradle." Still, while we THINK he's innocent of this charge, we also thought he was innocent of adultery, so can we really be sure? After all, remember all the stuff they used to say about Bill Clinton?

(instrumental opening)

A child arrived just the other day.
But Dad told Mom he had to go off and play.
And there were planes to catch and agents to pay.
The course he walked while he was away.
But now we're talking and he knows it.
His anger grew.
We said, "We never suspected you, man.
We never suspected you."

But the Cat robbed the cradle, and we got the goods.
Tomcat that we know as Tiger Woods.
When you coming home, Cat? "I don't know when
but I won't see Elin Nordegren.
I won't see her again."

He birded 10 just the other day.
She said, "Thanks for the ball, man, I liked to play.
Can you stick around here?" He said, "Not today.
I got someone else to do." She said, "That's okay."
And he walked away and his smile never dimmed.
He said, "Man, all these girls are dim, yeah.
You know all these girls are dim."

But the Cat robbed the cradle, and we got the goods.
Tomcat that we know as Tiger Woods.
When you coming home, Cat? "I don't know when
but I won't see Elin Nordegren.
I won't see her again."

She said she was in college just the other day.
"So much like a grownup," we heard him say.
We were proud of you, as you won all the while.
We didn't know what was behind your smile.
What you'd really like is getting some hanky-pankys.
"She said she's 20, can I have her, please?"

But the Cat robbed the cradle, and we got the goods.
Tomcat that we know as Tiger Woods.
What year was she born, Cat? "I don't know when.
It's not like she's in kindergarten.
And I won't see her again."

(instrumental break)

Well, the sponsors fired him, sent him away.
He got busted just the other day.
Wife said, "I'd like to sue you, if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, babe, if I could find the time."

You see, the courtroom's a hassle, and the kids are with you.
And I guess my cover I blew, babe.
I guess my cover I blew."

And he hung up the phone, finally saw his guilt:
Forget Jack Nicklaus, he's Wilt.
He played that part to the hilt.

And the Cat robbed the cradle, and we got the goods.
Tomcat that we know as Tiger Woods.
When you coming back, Cat? "I don't know when
but I won't see Elin Nordegren.
And I won't see my kids again."

They say a leopard can't change his spots. I wonder if a Tiger can change his stripes. Maybe not, because that other Nike/Gatorade guy that people incorrectly believe to be the best ever at his game, Michael Jordan, got caught as well.

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