Frances, Cassie, Jessie, I've been with you all
Wanted to kiss one of you since I was three feet tall
You've seen it all, you've seen it all

Watch the men who love you
So they can see how dumb
How dumb it is to see me
Kissing one of you
On the Bayou, on the Bayou

Yes, I am a student
One full semester too late
It's all about relationships,
But I'm an almost - twenty victim of hate
Never been too late, never been to late

Now I've done a bit of kissing
Just like Richard Dawson
I kissed enough girls to boost their morale
But they lasted one full season
Of "Jeopardy!", of "Jeopardy!"

Now I have been searching for over three months
For the right girlfriend at the right time
But I've got to stop wishing, I'm on a mission
To find the one I'll wed
That's what I said, that's what I said

Now I go for older women
So they can kiss me then
And they can take me out on a date
Starting out just as friends
Then more than friends, then more than friends

Sheila, Tara, Jenny, after all the years I've found
That these relationship failures really sound
That I've been losing morale

I think morale's gone, got to boost it now

Coda:

I think morale's gone, got to boost it now