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Song Parodies -> "Blind Dates kind of Bite"
Original Song Title:
"Blinded by the Light"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Manfred Mann's Earth Band
Parody Song Title:
"Blind Dates kind of Bite"
Parody Written by:
Spaff.com
The Lyrics
Blind dates kind of bite
Smash up the illusion that I'll find a Mrs. Right
Blind dates kind of bite
They suck like a douche that's made of vinegar and Sprite
Blind dates kind of bite...
Scammin' online, sometimes chat rooms can be fun times
And one time I found this minx
"There's romance in these pants," she said, "Wanna country dance?"
Well DUH - we met for drinks
'Round her shoulders was this holder, shoring up her boulders
It slipped while whirling around
As she rushed to adjust it, she thrust it, it busted
And her double-D's crashed to the ground
Yeah her double-D's crashed to the ground
I screamed - and
Blind dates kind of bite
Jack up the delusion that I'm gettin' some tonight
Blind dates kind of bite
Rack up the confusion: is it love or merely spite?
Blind dates kind of bite...
My dimwitted sister lined me up with a fister
Showed up with gerbils and flares
She said "I'll turn you on son like a Vegas sign -
Clip these wires to your nostril hairs"
This low-carb blowhard, she stole and charged my credit cards
Another "freed" my birds outside
This firestarter martyr came by in a veil and garter
And asked me if I needed a bride
Asked me if I needed a bride
I freaked - and
Blind dates kind of bite
They jump to conclusions that you carry parasites
Blind dates kind of bite
Think I'll drown in this cesspool called love
It's there to make ya lose your mind
It's gonna make ya
Lose your pride
[Extended instrumental break, presumably to avoid more of Springsteen's lyrics]
(But mating, that's where the fun is)
(Er, dating, that's where the fun is)
Mama always told me not to pay too much for Asian massage
But Mama, that's where your son is
[Asian massage interlude: "Chopsticks"]
Some no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath
Torched my pick-up truck
These Atkins-y bratty twins, real as calfskin mannequins
Said that all my records suck
Then the cutest absolutist and the Buddhist nudist flutist
Got blitzed and shot my cow
And the high-class tight-ass rhinoplastic pederast
She gave me gas - don't ask how
Yep, those double-D's crashed to the ground
I peed - and
Blind dates kind of bite
Smash up the illusion that I'll find a Mrs. Right
Blind dates kind of bite
They suck like a douche that's made of rum and Miller Lite
[Now the tricky part. Continue to sing the chorus over and over and over while SIMULTANEOUSLY singing random lines from the verses. Switch 'em up, change words, whatever. It helps to be heavily medicated. You'll know it's time to stop when you get to this line:]
She said "I'll turn it on son - your electric thong"
[Now wrap up with a Jerry Springer Final Thought:]
We get down, but it's worse for you girls
We're Dr. Jekylls
You should Hyde
Smash up the illusion that I'll find a Mrs. Right
Blind dates kind of bite
They suck like a douche that's made of vinegar and Sprite
Blind dates kind of bite...
Scammin' online, sometimes chat rooms can be fun times
And one time I found this minx
"There's romance in these pants," she said, "Wanna country dance?"
Well DUH - we met for drinks
'Round her shoulders was this holder, shoring up her boulders
It slipped while whirling around
As she rushed to adjust it, she thrust it, it busted
And her double-D's crashed to the ground
Yeah her double-D's crashed to the ground
I screamed - and
Blind dates kind of bite
Jack up the delusion that I'm gettin' some tonight
Blind dates kind of bite
Rack up the confusion: is it love or merely spite?
Blind dates kind of bite...
My dimwitted sister lined me up with a fister
Showed up with gerbils and flares
She said "I'll turn you on son like a Vegas sign -
Clip these wires to your nostril hairs"
This low-carb blowhard, she stole and charged my credit cards
Another "freed" my birds outside
This firestarter martyr came by in a veil and garter
And asked me if I needed a bride
Asked me if I needed a bride
I freaked - and
Blind dates kind of bite
They jump to conclusions that you carry parasites
Blind dates kind of bite
Think I'll drown in this cesspool called love
It's there to make ya lose your mind
It's gonna make ya
Lose your pride
[Extended instrumental break, presumably to avoid more of Springsteen's lyrics]
(But mating, that's where the fun is)
(Er, dating, that's where the fun is)
Mama always told me not to pay too much for Asian massage
But Mama, that's where your son is
[Asian massage interlude: "Chopsticks"]
Some no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath
Torched my pick-up truck
These Atkins-y bratty twins, real as calfskin mannequins
Said that all my records suck
Then the cutest absolutist and the Buddhist nudist flutist
Got blitzed and shot my cow
And the high-class tight-ass rhinoplastic pederast
She gave me gas - don't ask how
Yep, those double-D's crashed to the ground
I peed - and
Blind dates kind of bite
Smash up the illusion that I'll find a Mrs. Right
Blind dates kind of bite
They suck like a douche that's made of rum and Miller Lite
[Now the tricky part. Continue to sing the chorus over and over and over while SIMULTANEOUSLY singing random lines from the verses. Switch 'em up, change words, whatever. It helps to be heavily medicated. You'll know it's time to stop when you get to this line:]
She said "I'll turn it on son - your electric thong"
[Now wrap up with a Jerry Springer Final Thought:]
We get down, but it's worse for you girls
We're Dr. Jekylls
You should Hyde
© 2004+ Vinegar and Sprite
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 1 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 33 | 32 | 33 |
User Comments
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I think you just became the Edmund Hillary of amiright, Sir Spaff. All the lines are great, but how can you top the "Buddhist nudist flutist" line and the different varieties of douches?
For those who Don't Know The Original Song, it's currently available at
spaff.com/dktos
spaff.com/dktos
I feel your pain oh Spaff!!! All I can say is thank the lord I found someone who will put up with my psychosis so I don't have to go on blind dates anymore! Like they always say there is someone for everyone and you proved it with this song! :)
Oh wow. Another 70's tune bites the dust. So many amazing lines "no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath...". Great, great stuff.
Poor Spaff...I don't do blind dates...bleah. (But hey, I'm planning a visit to the Beehive state this summer if you want to get together...; )...) Excellent as always...=) 5s.
Must say that I'm really looking forward to the recording of this one...
And here I was thinking this was gonna be about dating a cannibal... :-)
Excellent lines .Buddhist nudist flutist....and the douches. Heck, the whole thing! 5's
It's got pee!
It's got douches with Sprite!
It's got gerbils and fisters and dim-witted sisters!
It's a Double-D-Delight!
It's got douches with Sprite!
It's got gerbils and fisters and dim-witted sisters!
It's a Double-D-Delight!
Excellent! Best lines: "Clip these wires to your nostril hairs" and "But Mama, that’s where your son is." ;-D
Well, you only had a couple terribly clever lines. Sorry, make that "cleverly terrible". And the pacing wasn't the greatest, very awkward in places. The idea was quite generic - like I haven't seen THIS one done fifteen times in the last week. All in all, not a very entertaining read. C'mon, Spaff...you can do better than this. [/end sarcasm] Fives...purely out of pity. ;-)
I'd forgotten the Boss-man wrote this...
This is great. One of the best pacing/rhyming combos I've seen.
masterful job on a song that is difficult to parody....the rhymes are terrific....but, some of those dates don't sound that bad...hee hee hee...anyway....5s
It's a relief to finally read these written down, and know what Springsteen's incomprehensible mumbling was trying to say.
Almost missed this one - and I do look for your stuff on my too infrequent visits to this site. What they said and more (I just don't have a good enough vocabulary to add - besides, you know when you've hit or it wouldn't be posted).
This may be my favorite of yours. I know I couldn't nail the rhymes the way you did. And funny as always. 555 from me, and hell of a job.
Nice rhymage, you maff teaching stenograph giraffe of a laughin Spaff. I think some of your others are a bit more solid, though. We definitely have different styles in parodying this song. I normalized it a bit while you got hazy-er and crazy-er. 5s for rhymage, yo. Auguri.
Spaff - you're a genius. I'm at my desk, trying to type this while laughing so hard that I'm literally in tears. (~kowtowing~) We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
I knew I was gonna love this as soon as I saw one of the best titles in Amiright history. Now I definitely have to write a sequel to "The Reckoning of These Song Titles. And "nudist flutist" -- somebody saw a tape of "Laugh-In" circa 1969. Guess it never occured to Dan Rowan & Dick Martin to add "Buddhist." Spaff, you and I were both born at least 30 years too late.
I always did think they were saying "douche" for some reason. Too many great lines to mention, but I will say the word "fister" always makes me laugh no matter what.
This is a god damned conspiracy.
Am I the only one who has noticed that Spaff is MIA??
Thanx, Cookie Monster & Lee OJ (x2) & Philbo & Peter chyd & Patagio & Johnny Dangle & Smeagol & Emi l'Oca (if I MUST thank you) & FrankenBarry & Country Rhodes & Stevenagh & RJP & Great K & Ravyn & C4P!
Johnkins: This peak has been scaled several times, and well. I'm just aiming to be the Göran Kropp of Amiright.
Evenstar: Sorry - I was hanging out with the MIA Maids. Lemme know when you'll be in town - maybe Sister Kicksass can join us for the first-ever meeting of the Amiright Zion Branch.
Looney 2nz: Get your culo out of that Internet cafe and go see Italia! Porca miseria!
Michaelopedia: I know what Laugh-In is, of course, but I've never seen it. But if they had nudist flutists on it, I'm all over it. As for being born too late, yeah, I often wish that I'd been a teenager in the 60s. Except for how much older that would make me now. And that whole draft thing.
Johnkins: This peak has been scaled several times, and well. I'm just aiming to be the Göran Kropp of Amiright.
Evenstar: Sorry - I was hanging out with the MIA Maids. Lemme know when you'll be in town - maybe Sister Kicksass can join us for the first-ever meeting of the Amiright Zion Branch.
Looney 2nz: Get your culo out of that Internet cafe and go see Italia! Porca miseria!
Michaelopedia: I know what Laugh-In is, of course, but I've never seen it. But if they had nudist flutists on it, I'm all over it. As for being born too late, yeah, I often wish that I'd been a teenager in the 60s. Except for how much older that would make me now. And that whole draft thing.
Sister Kicksass and I are totally up for it...not sure when I'll be down...but we are SOOO getting together. You'll have to take care of all the important stuff...you know...invocation...benediction...um...rest hymn...um...oh, and talks. AKA and I are going to do a sequined, star spangled dance review for a very special Sharing Time. =()
Laughing...too...hard...to...type...
Still laughing Arwen... Oh, and Spaff, the reason I never commented on this is because I don't know the original very well. I only know the chorus. But it's really funny!
About the parody: ...mediocre... About me: Today I was putting on my deodorant in the bathroom and when lifeted up my arms........I saw the BEST looking pecs I've ever seen before. Now I'm not bragging or anything, but WOW were they good looking. So I put my deodorant on and smelt good. Not that I needed it because I'm perfect, but it doesn't hurt to smell good...and be perfect too. More About The Parody: ...DKTOS... ...Narcissism is the root of all infatuation...
Oh, I'm sorry, TROP, the position of "the most vain person in this and/or middle earth" has been filled.
That was random...
...He who is not perfect is not worth it...
Um...okay.
Sister Evenstar & Sister Kicksass: Wow, I can't wait for Sharing Time! I'll bring the refreshments.
Sounds like a deal...as long as you wear an electronic/flashing sandwich board and walk up and down the aisles while you distribute them. (It's part of the show...don't ask questions...)
Why would I question that? It's what I wear 24/7.
LOL!!! You realize, however, that if, when we convene in the Beehive state, you're not wearing a sandwich board that flashes the words "Welcome Sisters Evenstar and Kicksass to the first ever meeting of the Amiright Zion's Branch and oh my HECK you two are SOOO hot!!!" that you're going to break my little heart. Just FYI...
Or else it could say "Ashkicksass is a princess." Either one would be fine with me.
Nuh-uh!
Now, now, Sisters. Sandwich boards are two-sided, remember. It already says BOTH of those things.
(SOTM) Already commented. Now restoring my 5s.
(SOTM) Well there go my chances for ever placing in this contest...; ) 5s!
I agree. There goes Arwen's chance for even placing. 5^3
(SOTM) 5's
SOTM-I voted...
I work with a nudist flutist. I recommend it.
Rick... does Mari know?
Spaff - glad the "comments" section brought me over to this one. Thanks Rick & Phil - 5's - Spaff, so much truth, so many great lines - so many donuts that I've eaten tonight (just finished my 6th - for someone who gave them up over a yr. ago. Buzzzzzzzzzz...did you know that "plain" donuts still have as much Fat and over half the sugar as all the painted and sugared ones? I just read it on the box...). Great parody. I'm really gonna try to go to bed now...
SOTM - Returning (as myself this time) to say: Finally, Spaff -- I was wondering when you'd finally get the hang of this parody thing! For once, my 5-5-5 isn't just out of pity.
(SOTM July)
It's STILL got pee!
It's STILL got douches with Sprite!
It's STILL got gerbils and fisters and dim-witted sisters!
It's STILL (and ever shall be!) a Double-D-Delight!
It's STILL got pee!
It's STILL got douches with Sprite!
It's STILL got gerbils and fisters and dim-witted sisters!
It's STILL (and ever shall be!) a Double-D-Delight!
Spaff, you are genius, as evidenced by this verse which I MUST REPRINT IN ITS ENTIRETY... Some no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath Torched my pick-up truck These Atkins-y bratty twins, real as calfskin mannequins Said that all my records suck Then the cutest absolutist and the Buddhist nudist flutist Got blitzed and shot my cow And the high-class tight-ass rhinoplastic pederast She gave me gas - don't ask how Absofuclinglutely incredible! ROFLMAO. 555
Postcript to my donut rampage: I felt SO sick today...NEVER again...This is still a fantastic parody, though, even through non-sugar-tainted eyes...
(SOTM) Hilarious. Don't know how I missed this before. So many good lines. 5's
SOTM One question Spaff.com.....Are you human? Because nobody on earth writes this good
(SOTM) Truly magnificent! [the bits in brackets accentuated the ingenius humour]
SOTM -- a masterpiece, Spaff. :)
I don't know if anyone's said this yet (too lazy to read all the comments) but this is much better than the original :D
(SOTM) Probably will be - heh heh... restoring my 5s.
Thanx, Peter chyd & Patagio & BLO & (the actual) Lee OJ & Aggro & Nel Philson & Ralphing Brat [heh heh] & Grandmaster Melle Melhi & Sweet Indy & Smeagol!
Ahnonamis & Sister Evenstar: It's not about placing - it's about guilt-tripping 20+ people into reading your stuff.
RAD: Got any band camp stories?
P-Rob: Fat-fried sugar - Why would you ever consider giving that up?
Johnny: I STILL appreciate your dickheadedness.
Dee Mocracy: No, in fact, I'm a virus.
Ahnonamis & Sister Evenstar: It's not about placing - it's about guilt-tripping 20+ people into reading your stuff.
RAD: Got any band camp stories?
P-Rob: Fat-fried sugar - Why would you ever consider giving that up?
Johnny: I STILL appreciate your dickheadedness.
Dee Mocracy: No, in fact, I'm a virus.
Wow again. The crack about avoiding more of Springsteen's lyrics by itself makes this one of the funniest songs on the site; the rest is gravy. Really really GOOD GRAVY.
Excellent wordplay Spaff.c, I really enjoyed this.
SOTM--Flat out excellent Spaff!
Mustve missed this one, great job! 555!
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=1426;image
How did I miss this one? I've parodied the OS and know how tough it is. Kudos from a nudist flutist! And wasn't Bruce "dressed up like a douche, another runner in the night"?
How did I miss this one? I've parodied the OS and know how tough it is. Kudos from a nudist flutist! And wasn't Bruce "dressed up like a douche, another runner in the night"?
Thanx, C4P (again) & Pippin & Jeffaroo & Jackie!
MAD: It was your "Blighted by the Lice" that demonstrated that this song could actually be parodied successfully. Oh, and hey - when's your next recital?
MAD: It was your "Blighted by the Lice" that demonstrated that this song could actually be parodied successfully. Oh, and hey - when's your next recital?
This time around I got attached to the "firestarter martyr in a veil and garter" and still found it to be original.
Wow, Johnkins, you've been busy. You're now the first and last person to comment on this. Thank you repeatedly.
Still mad fun with rhymage, Missa Spaff.
Thanx, 2nz. Visited the dentist lately?
The internal rhymature is most impressival and the hole thing betrays a level of geniosity that is staggering to the brainial matter.
Belated thanx, Jayson, for your eruditical remarkment.
Wanna know what I thought last night that I always thought was pretty funny. The guy that snag this OS,is the same guy that did Doo Wah Diddy Diddy,whod a thunk it? *waits for some DJ guy to read this comment and decides to do a mash up of both songs which would be HILARIOUS* "There she was just a walkin down the street singin , BLIIIIIIIIIIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT Doo wah diddiy didy dum diddy REVVED UP LIKE A DEUCE ANOTHER RUNNER doo iN THE NIGHT"
Which gives me a GREAT parody idea
That would be quite a mashup, Jackie. Add a few samples from "The Mighty Quinn" and you've got...well...something.
LOL Ill check hat one out too! Then Ill make this HAPPEN! Blinded By the Doo Wah Mighty Quinn
Original is it actually Bruce Springsteen. "Blinded by the Light" is a song written and recorded by Bruce Springsteen, which first appeared on his 1973 debut album Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J. A cover by British rock band Manfred Mann's Earth Band reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 in the United States in February 1977 and was also a top ten hit in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Canada.
All I’m saying is let’s give the boss some credit.
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