The president, he speaks with awesome clarity
The meaning's obvious if you take it logic'ly
The terrorists are thinking 'bout it, so must we
There must be
Fifty ways to harm our country

He said "You see, I've got a negative I.Q.
Furthermore my bonehead bleatings make a lobster seem smart too
But I'll repeat myself,
'Cause Dick Cheney told me to
There must be
Fifty ways to harm our country
Fifty ways to harm our country."

Just drop in a nuke, Duke
A suicide bomb, Dom
Some biochem, Shem
Sa-rin is the key

Post some anthrax, Max
Or let loose some gas, Chas
It doesn't take much, Dutch
To harm our country

Jus' speak like a jerk, Dirk
Talk like a kid, Sid
Show 'em all the big void, Lloyd
In your empty skull

Piss off your friends, Clem
Be a snob on the job, Bob
Just threaten the world, Merle
And call women "girls"

He said "It grieves me so to spare my country pain,
I wish that there was some way I could screw our Amber Waves of Grain,
So Dick, I'd appreciate if, you'd kindly please explain
About the fifty ways...?"

Dick said, "Why don't you smoke some opium tonight,
And then get up good and stoned in the middle of the night,
And call a press conference, while wearing Laura's leotard and tights?"
That's one of
Fifty ways to harm our country
Fifty ways to harm our country

Just slap the tax on, Ron
Yes, do it real quick, Dick
Watch the money roll in, Colin
Oh, isn't this fun?

Deny Arabs their visa, Condoleeza
Get 'em all to vote Bush, Rush
It's Bush 1, Kerry nil, Bill
Election'll be won

Just mumble and grin, Slim
Fart everywhere, Claire
On The Charlie Rose show, Moe,
Dig deep in your nose

Pop boils with pus, Gus,
And spray Blair with what's there, Claire
Just go on TV, Lee
And kiss Dick Cheney