THE NORTH SIDE OF THE POLE (tNSotP)

7.A.
ROLES IN THE HAY
(To "The Happiest Days of Our Lives")

When we grew up and went to church
There were Christmas pageants that would
Try to teach us children to be good
By casting us as wise men
Or as angels or as sheep
We'd belt out Christmas carols
Singing Santa Claus and Jesus, y'all are sweet

But I wonder now, did those two know
When we got home at night
The hymns we'd learned were all destroyed
We'd mash them
With the Stones and Zep and Floyd...


7.B.
A MOTHER DECKIN' THE HALL
(To "Another Brick in the Wall, Part II")

We don't need no figgy pudding
We don't need no drifted snow
No jingle bells or gay apparel
Santa leave them kids some coal
HEY! SANTA! LEAVE THEM KIDS SOME COAL!
Fa la la la sings my
Mother deckin' the hall
Fa la la la sings my
Mother deckin' the hall

[The cherubic children's church choir joins in:]

We don't need no roasted chestnuts
We don't need no mistletoe
No in-laws passed out in the bathroom
Santa leave them kids some coal
HEY! LARDASS! LEAVE THOSE KIDS SOME COAL!
Fa la la la sings that
Rubber elf in the mall
Fa la la la sings that
Rubber elf in the mall

[Parents yell up the stairs at kids gone Christmas-Eve psycho:]

Kids! Less yapping! Kids! More napping!
If you don't go to sleep, he won't come down the chimney!
How can he leave any presents if you won't go to sleep?
Hey! Do you want Santa to come or not? Lights OUT up there!

[Kids continue.]
[Dad's headache pounds audibly.]
[Mom sighs.]

[Santa downs a shot.]