A hot, nasty day in summer;
They decide on golf to pass.
They elect to go canoeing,
Wicker seats under their ass.
Well they find some inbred rednecks,
And they the ask them to lend a hand.
But these guys are rapacious,
Things don't go as planned.

REFRAIN:
Bobby's squealin 'cause he's reared
Stowed in him is some pine.
The guy grapples him by the ears,
Calls him a nickname porcine.
[Repeat]

Yeah, he keeps calling him that genus,
Continuing to rend and ream.
Bobby wishes he'd rowed through
And not met this backwoods queen,
Whose buddy seeks carnal knowledge
Of Ed, who's got tied hands
The guy wants some swallowage;
He grabs his gland.

REFRAIN

Just then Drew and friend Lewis
Arrive--not quite in time.
Drew draws out a straight arrow, wood,
As a fletcher, he's fine.
Then he loads the string, bow's strung, then he
Has shot the grunting man.
The redneck who is toothless
Just turned tail and ran.

Bobby squealed 'cause he was reared
Rowin' away, he's fine
But there's still a backwoods queer
That they've got to go and find.

Ed squeezed off a shot that's clear--
Arrow in toothless' spine.
Ed then rappelled him to a bier
That's below the water line.