Song Parodies -> "Heartbreaker (The MI Lament)"

Original Song Title:

"Heartbreaker"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Heartbreaker (The MI Lament)"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Had a check up with my cardiologist and learned I was in much worse shape at the time of my surgery than they had let on -- 95% block of the Left Anterior Descending and an 85% block of the Left Circumflex Artery. This double whammy could have killed me in a heartbeat (or lack of same) As I drove home, the first tune I heard on the radio was the Rolling Stones "Heartbreaker". Parodies are spawned in such ways. This, BTW, not a goof. This is about something that, but for the grace of God, would have happened to me and something that actually did happen, this year, to a cousin of mine

The platelets in his body
They patched a rupture in the plaque
In a case of mistaken activity
They caused a massive heart attack

Heartbreaker! With your faulty fix
You stole the lifeblood to his heart
Heartbreaker! With your faulty fix
They gotta tear that clot apart

The 40 year wife sits in the wait room
Took the IV's from his arms
He died on a gurney in the hallway
Not even a chance to say goodbys, goodbys

Heartbreaker! Widowmaker!
You stuck a dagger in her heart
Heartbreaker! You lifetaker!
You stole the joy right out of her heart

Oh God, no! (Doo, doo doo doo doo). Oh God, no! (Doo doo doo ...)
They couldn't break that clot apart
Oh God no! (Doo, doo doo doo doo) Oh God no! (Doo doo doo ...)
You tore that woman's life apart

The elder bro rushes to the ER
Cross words had set the two apart
He tried to speak words of apology
The doctor said, "He passed so fast, so fast."

Heartbreaker! Heartbreaker!
You stopped the beating of his heart
Heartbreaker! Peacebreaker!
Forever will you keep those bros apart

Oh God no (Doo, doo doo doo doo ...) Oh God no (Doo doo doo) ...)
You went and tore those bros apart
Oh God no (Doo doo doo doo doo ...) Oh God, no (Doo do do ....)
You tore that woman's life apart

Heartbreaker! Widowmaker!
You stole the love right out of her heart
Heartbreaker! Lifetaker!
They couldn't tear that clot apart

Heartbreaker! Heartbreaker!
You stole the blood right out .. You stole the love right out

(Doo, doo doo doo doo doo)
You stopped his blood, he had no chance
(Doo, doo doo doo doo doo)
Ah yeah, ah yeah ... you stuck a dagger in her heart
(Doo, doo doo doo doo doo)
You went and tore those bros apart
(Doo, doo doo doo ........)

I know there are only two stanzas, but I couldn't choose between two separate compelling scenes that presented themselves -- the devastated widow and the older brother who was unable to make make peace with the kid brother who died. So I included them both as subs for the second stanza

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CML - August 22, 2016 - Report this comment

One more thing -- MI stands for Myocardial Infarction, the official medical term for "heart attack"

Lucy Lement - August 22, 2016 - Report this comment

Firstly, I am glad you are OK! I like parodies that spring from real life personal events too. Your lyrics are perfect for this song.

Callmelennie - August 22, 2016 - Report this comment

Well, thank you, Lucy. This happened 10 months ago, and I'm mostly back to normal now, except that I'm 20 lbs lighter. I went into the hospital expecting at most two stents. I knew something was up when my cardiologist stopped the procedure and said to me "Ummm ... what was your religious preference again?" ;-D. I've done four other parodies about this situation, but this is the first one that had a serious tone to it

Spoiler Alert - August 23, 2016 - Report this comment

The rating system here puts a value on funniness. How in the world can 7 out of 7 scorers rate this tragic tale as funny to the max? That's totally bogus! The scoring system is misused and it contributes to the misunderstanding of what parody means. At long last, if the proprietor doesn't abandon it, we should all boycott it. However, I fully expect that the usual shmucks will respond to this with additional straight 5s. Sorry about your cousin. Glad you're well now.

Dr. Fred - August 23, 2016 - Report this comment

^ patient above doesn't have a heart. Advise psychotherapy.

Callmelennie - August 23, 2016 - Report this comment

There are ocassions where this comic form can be used to reach other emotions. I think this is a valid use of this little parlor trick that we're all good at. I've seen others do it. In those cases, the "How Funny" label doesn't fit, obviously. OTOH, if you were touched by these lyrics and you want to grade this piece, you have to use that category. I dont think this invalidates the scoring system .... But hey, I'll assume you are acting in good faith here; maybe you have a point. Moreover, it's unlikely I'll ever go this route again

Spoiler Alert - August 23, 2016 - Report this comment

CML, there is obviously only one way to use the scoring system for touchingly sad parodies, without having to lie: Give a score of 1 for funny and 5 for overall. You should be getting 5-1-5. In doing so, unfortunately, we still have to twist ourselves out of shape. So for this and for other reasons involving favoritism, the cloak of anonymity, vindictiveness, and plain vandalism, I still maintain that the scoring system be abolished. Dr. Fred, do not commit surgery until you learn how to read.

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