Late TV I'm watchin'
Without the sound
List'ning to heavy metal
My head is spinnin' around

Suddenly I see something
Lookin' too good to be true
A solid-flavor injector
That's shooting its goo

Popiel
Is that thing really real
Popiel
A pocket rod-and-reel

Popiel, peel, peel
Sack of potatoes peel, with just a puny plastic deal
He's Ron Popiel, peel, peel
With embellished super-spiel

Veg-O-Matic, chopping spree
Carousel rotisserie
Scrambled eggs that you wreck
Right inside the shell

Smokeless cigarette machine
Doggy Diver Submarine
Cat Hotel, doesn't smell
Well, well

[guitar solo]

There's more...

Infomercial psychosis
My wallet quivers in my hand
Ron Popiel-brand hypnosis
I make the call at his command, with credit card

How much would you pay now?
To make this yours?
And it really, really works now!
But wait, there's more, oh!

Hey there, Mr. Microphone
Pick me up and take me home
Spray it on, baldness gone
Hair right in a can

Thing that snaffles off your caps
Cooks a meal right in your laps
Chop it up, mop it up
Din-din

Popiel
Popiel

La la la la, la la la la
La la la la, la la la la...