Staffers at the bank
Saw that things had slowed
Had to bring in business
They had a small case load
With their store running out
They concocted a scheme
With their balls to the wall
They were a desperate team
They worked twice as hard
So shrewd in their ways
By offering the guys
That'd come visit their place

Gobs of free new hand creams
From a Jack N. Haugh store
With some show girls half naked
That they knew would lure
The new donors
Fell hard for their plans
Many-a-John
Creamed in his pants

They'd come from far
Sprung way out so
For their manly missions
And quick money to blow

So they're turning profits
They're always talking shop
Gotta fill their pockets
Some kid's gonna wonder who's their Pop?

They've launched a sperm bank promo
They're targeting guys
It's a sperm bank promo
So come blow your wod
(Sperm bank promo, they're targeting guys)
Sperm bank promo (targeting guys)
Oh, come blow your wod inside

Fatherhood is just a game
For a healthy man whore
He'd screw his own shadow
Till his but got sore
Having kids is a blast
Shooting blanks comes with shame
But a sperm donor
Makes a man's wife change

She had longed to be a momma
But wouldn't adopt
So they came to solve her problems
Sperm banks are good to thee last drop

Thanks to their sperm bank promo,
New moms on the rise
It's a sperm bank promo, new mom's love the price
Yeah, sperm bank promo, Johns come inside
To be sperm donors (Johns come inside)
Johns come inside, come inside for life, woah.

Yeah, their gonna stay in business, ain't never gonna flop
Gotta sell that jism
Their ploy will make new moms and pops

With their shrewd sperm bank promo, new moms knocked up nice
With their sperm bank promo, the Johns shooting dice
(Just sperm donors) sperm bank promo, new moms on the rise

Yeah they've got a sperm bank promo, Hah ha! Hah!
Sperm bank (Johns) promo, (moms, Johns( sperm bank promo
They make moms with their guys, stars with their guise